Isn't it strange how old age creeps up on you and suddenly you are no longer a young person, you are now old? Although I still feel young my body is always tellilng me otherwise. I know it is very much admired to "grow old gracefully" and to say things like "I am happy with how I am and I don't mind getting old" I admit to not feeling like that myself. I know there is no use in not accepting it but I do fight it and try to keep myself fit. I am but a shadow of how I was when I was young in spite of all the work I put in to keeping fit and maintaining total independence. It is very important for me because I live alone and there nobody here to turn to to even to make me a cup of tea if I am suddenly unable to look after myself let alone go to the shops for me or take me to appointments. I must keep mobile and able to move around to fend for myself.
I met up with my friend C yesterday for our usual coffee and cake and chat. C is recently widowed, without children, and four years older than me. She is having to hit the ground running with taking over the house and maintenance and decision making and computer administration. Whilst C is a very capable and determined lady she is finding it is a steep learning curve because she was used to her husband's expertise on computers that she does not have and, of course, he was there to discuss every decision regarding the house maintenance and garden, decisions which she is now making on her own and engaging trades people to carry out the work. This is not new to her but the fact that she does not have that point of discussion with her husband is new and weighing up who to call upon for help. As we get older so do our usual points of contact with tradespeople and, as with me, C has been faced with workers she has known for many years having reached retirement age and ceased to be available and she is having to source new ones on her own. Many take this in their stride, as do me and C, but it is always without a partner to discuss with. When the word "we" appears for other people as a natural as night follows day, for those of us alone "we" does not exist.
We chatted for two hours and decided on our Christmas "lunch" which will be at the same venue but on a weekday rather than a Saturday. This will make it slightly different because the café users will be workers from the local office complex next door rather than the usual Saturday family shoppers. A small difference and maybe one that is insignificant to many but not to me and C for reasons that I have written about before that can make Saturdays noisy and uncomfortable.
I am currently watching "Carrie" on Prime. It is a modern take on Carrie with a social media high school bullying slant and it is very good.
I also re-watched Chernobyl documentary, probably in fact one I haven't seen before because it is narrated by Ben Fogle and I don't remember this one; I enjoy pointing out loud to myself "I have been there", "I walked there" when they show the overgrown town of Pripyat, the town built for Chernobyl workers. This particular documentary brings it up to date since the Russian invasion. When I was there we had a big walking tour of the town and I was a lot fitter then and an excellent guide called Johnnie who was great fun and very informative and young. (2019).
Johnny the guide
The abandoned fairground Chernobyl
Hi Rachel, another in the same boat as you and I echo your sentiments, especially there no longer being a We. Like you I have always maintained my fitness and health only to find that despite that, age has caught up with me too. Seems we can't stop the hands of time, but we can certainly keep leading an as interested and interesting life as possible.
ReplyDeleteThere are many lone women out there who understand this and to those without children who do not have the phone call - "I said to my son/daughter" - option either. I have been told many times by fellow adults "I understand" only for the next sentence to begin with "we" or "I spoke to my son/daughter this morning" or "I was only saying to my son/daughter yesterday...". The people who say they understand soon lose me and I drift away because quite frankly they have no idea. Thank you for commenting today and if you have children I apologise if I have offended you!
DeleteDon't ever feel the need to apologise for giving an honest opinion, that's why I enjoy your writing so much, I agree wth so much of what you say.
DeleteThank you. One never knows on blogs what reactions will be; I have many people who hate me for doing nothing more than straight talking as we are wont to do in Norfolk.
DeleteHi Rachel
ReplyDeleteI still dont think of myself as old, only older. I noticed little change in us , although obviously we sloed doen a bt, until we caught Covid, we didnt have a bad attack, but it hung around a long time and we never recovered the same energy that we had before.
I can actually do more than I used to do and I am stonger. I have had to be, now that my husband is no longer here .
I cannot rely on my son, as sometimes he is ok at other times not, but he also needs me to be there to function.
I have had no trouble ,referring to me and I , which is strange after to being together so long. I think I was trained to take resposibility for myself. also we were always a partnership. but I was the boss, so my husband told every one.
IIt would be nice to have someone to share thoughts and decisions about things, It is hard to just rely on self. but I think I gain in other ways.
My son gives company of a sort. so not the same position as you, but of course we cant go anywhere as we have no transport of any kind.
kathy xx
Where P and I were together I made all decisions abou the house maintenance etc and he didn't take any interest in it however there was the pscyhological difference to now in that he was here, present and now he isn't I suppose there are lots of ways in which people will always agree and disagree about how it is for them alone and it is a subject probably best left alone.
DeleteIt must be difficult for you with no transport but then that is another subject. Rachel x
When you have family around you are part of a web and can feel the vibrations from every one else, but when there is no family, it feels far more cut of. My brothe has many inlaws and they are always communicating, where as alone there isnt that feeling of connection. I have only left our property about 4 times in 18 months and know none of the neighbours, the nearest is over 1/2 mile away..
DeleteAs you say with someone else there there ia always some communication.
I admire the way you have built a circle of friends.
Kathy x
Although I am independent and like being on my own I cannot live entirely in a vacuum and have to have outside contact with people. Having your son with you which may be challenging but he is a presence. xx
Deleteyes I agree rith you xx
DeleteMy journey into Athens yesterday really brought it home to me how old I am. I not only tired quickly but long narrow corridors got me a bit befuddled. Changes have taken place quickly in the big outside world and I'm way behind. At least I managed and Im keeping up with the more modern facilities and I'm not put off asking directions and getting help. I'm older, now
ReplyDeleteMy future now is keeping fit and healthy and trying to keep my brain engaged. My daughters inlaws are now completely Dependent on their children. I don't want that to happen to me, us
Every time I write a comment to you I read the published message and think 'I should have written that differently' or 'I should have written more'. Often I wish I could have a coffee and have a decent discussion. I enjoy reading your posts even if I don't agree, don't have an opinion or can't quite put my comment into words. That happens more often as I seem to lose my English Vocabulary
DeleteWell I understood, and always do understand, your comments (and your posts). I no longer go to London to visit exhibitions (you may have noticed) because I have not got the energy to take the underground or the buses to the museums and I fear that I would run out of steam in the underpasses and no-one to help me or notice). I am glad I have kept up with computers and smart phones because I can see from my friend who relied on her husband to do all the computer stuff she is now struggling.
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