Is this thing on?

 Yesterday, Friday, was a cold, dull day with rain and mist.  On days like this I like to make sure I go out because being alone in the house all day is very long and feel as if I am just waiting for the day to be over and tea time and evening to come round again.  It feels for me like a day of nothing.  So I try to go out.  On Wednesday I went to the first proper WI meeting when we had a speaker (the other meetings I had been to so far had been special occasions/Christmas and no speaker).   The speaker was a criminal lawyer and he talked us through a murder trial he had been involved in.  He went on too long and seemed a bit pleased with himself.  However, that is by the by.  The meeting had an hour of official business too which I found tedious and wanted to leave.  I met and talked to some people, the plus side of it.  I am glad it is only once a month because of well, what I described. 

Back to yesterday, the film, Is This Thing On?,  came out yesterday and was showing at a suitable time for me so after checking the trains were running ok I booked my ticket.  I had seen the trailer a few times so knew I wanted to see it at some point.  The show times next week are all later anyway so yesterday had to be the day. 

This is a story inspired by John Bishop's relationship with his wife when the relationship had broken down and they were filing for divorce.   John Bishop knows Will Arnett (he will star in the film)  and they had talked about the divorce story casually years ago and then it turned into this film. 

A little background,  John Bishop is a  comedian amongst other things.  I first and only came across him in a series called John Bishop In Conversation .. where Bishop would interview well known people, celebrities, politicians, often very unexpected people to appear in such a situation.   I liked the way Bishop conducted the interviews, slow and personal and yet one never felt he was being intrusive, or at least I didn't.   I don't know him as a stand-up comedian.   He is Liverpudlian with a strong accent, supports Liverpool F.C. and became a comedian by chance as the film will tell us.

The film is billed by Odeon as a comedy but is actually not a comedy.  Nor is it a film about stand-up comedians.  It is about relationships and divorce and  the effect on all those involved, the couple, the children, if there are any, in-laws and friends.   Will Arnett plays Alex Novak, the John Bishop based character, and Laura Dern, his wife.  The stand-up comedian bit comes in when Novak ends up doing an open-mic spot in a bar and finds it therapeutic in off-loading in a comedic way what is happening to his marriage.  This is what happened to Bishop in real life.  One night Novak's wife turns up unexpectedly with a date not knowing Novak was doing open-mic.  This also happened to Bishop.  

Arnett and Dern worked closely with John Bishop, and they get it right in my opinion, and in Bishop's too as he has been interviewed a lot about it and says so.    I enjoyed the film and I recommend it.  It will no doubt be streaming soon. 

Today the sun is shining and the sky is blue.  I have a day to myself and I need to catch up a bit with relaxing and chilling out. Saturdays at home are ok, it goes back to working, weekends are still weekends.  

I hope you enjoy reading this rather muddled post.  

Comments going into spam again

 Do you remember when comments and spam had to be checked on a daily basis?  Well I think it is happening again and perfectly legitimate comments are going into spam and need to be released. I found today that some comments here that had been published and answered by me had been removed and put into spam.  I set them free again.

Just saying in case anybody is missing their comments on blogs (I believe there are some of you).  They are probably caught up in your favourite bloggers Spam file.   Get him/her to release them. 

I thought this problem had disappeared but it seems to be back. 

Film AI and Film

 Yesterday I went to see Mercy, a sci-fi movie set a little bit in the future where the courts are run by an AI judge and the accused is guilty until he can prove himself innocent and he has an hour to go through the evidence against him and discount it.  Via the AI judge all the evidence is available at her command via computer this includes film footage and connection with a cop who has an airborne method of transport and can go further with investigation on command of the accused. If he fails to prove his innocence in the hour then he is going to be eliminated, exterminated.   I was undecided about going to see it because it is not a genre that is my kind of movie.  However, I liked it a lot and it was full of twists and turns and edge-of-seat stuff.  Rebecca Ferguson was the AI judge and Chris Pratt the accused.  

Talking of AI, I went back in time last night and watched Bloomberg TV channel and the closing bell from Wall Street.  When I was broking I watched this every night.  I liked to be ahead of the game when London opened in the morning.   As it happened Microsoft, Sandisk and Apple all had annual results yesterday and there is this big thrusting race at who tops AI.  Apple figures were better than last time, Sandisk which I had totally forgotten about as I no longer buy memory sticks or memory cards for cameras is way out in front.  Microsoft gave the worst set of results and not in front of the AI race at the moment. 

I don't know what took me to Bloomberg last night, maybe I was getting a bit fed up with Everwood which I have been watching, family drama in Colorado, and turned over.  Anyway I also got to see the Bloomberg interview with the New York mayor Mamdani, I hope I have spelt that right, who managed to smoothly answer all the questions by sidestepping them or blaming somebody else.  Like the 10 deaths in the cold in New York were definitely not his fault, all calls were directed to 911 he said so was he blaming 911?, not sure,  and everything else was his predecessors fault.   He never directly answered any questions on any subject.  He reminded me of Obama with the persuasive, smooth-talking but without the lumpy jerks in delivery so he got a plausible 9 for delivery from me, content was sick and he got a 0. Good luck New Yorkers with your commie mayor.  I thought the interviewer was remarkably controlled and verging on AI.  Mandami got an easy ride. 

I may go and see the Bradley Cooper's Is This Thing On today.  It looks like it is going to be funny.  John Bishop is the connection as it is inspired by his life.  

A day or two later

When I started blogging again in October I said I wasn't sure if it was a good idea or not.

Three months down the line and I find myself thinking about this a lot. 

I don't want to continue feeling trapped into safe, personal stories. 

I don't like the labels of left and right attached to facts as they present themselves from government to us the people. It is not a solution to dismiss fact and shoot the messenger.   

I see the country as failing, the future as bleak for Britain, for employers, for investors, for small businesses, for commerce, for all in the hospitality and retail business, a bleak future for pensioners, current and future,  relying on state pensions. It is bleak for all of us.  We won't die out because we carry on reproducing but we will live in a poorer state, a poorer economy in a poorer over-crowded country strapped by rules and regulations the likes of which we have never lived in before. 

But one cannot say any of this without being labelled politically.  They are facts that present themselves.  They shouldn't be dismissed, written off, shoot the messenger, she's politically this or politically that.  It is honesty of the facts,  not left or right.   It is a Britain with lies about heat pumps and Drax and migrants and welfare and a Britain of no more choice, a Britain of an NHS where people say they cannot see a doctor because he is not available face to face, it is two Norfolk cops shooting a man dead after a road traffic accident with each firing a bullet that never gets talked about because Trump isn't involved and Brexit can't be blamed.  It is Britain.  It is not being able to speak without fear of being locked up, reported and labelled.  And it is never  a label that is found that says caring about Britain, caring about people, caring about investment, caring about jobs, caring about the future, it is a label that says shut up. 

It is Blair's Britain and his legacy in which we live.  The Human Rights Act 1998 which dictates to us and ties us up in knots from hook handed clerics to migrants to deportations to Bulgarian gangs to Albanian gangs and to  Richard Hermer to let it live on and on and on. It is what Brexit was supposed to get us out of but failed.   The foundation for rules and regulations that spread fear to speak out that allow bombers in Manchester, knifers in Southport, rapists in Rotherham all of which were doing what they did because somebody somewhere was frightened of being called a racist for calling them out so nothing was done until it was too late to stop them. 

I have seen H is for Hawk.  A nice story with Claire Foy and Brendan Gleeson very good.   Will I continue to find safe subjects?  No I don't think I can. 

The Valuer

 Yesterday morning I dusted and hoovered the remaining rooms that had not been touched and did a blitz on the kitchen.  As I live alone I tend not to put things away like I should do so the worktop accumulates bottles and packets of things that should be away out of sight.  So that was all done and what a joy it feels to me now.  

I then removed the cats' bowls and plates into the utility room pretending that they are fed in there which seemed more reasonable I thought.  The cats didn't like what was going on and started meowing for their food where it should be staring at the bare floor tiles.  I then upset them even more by bleaching the floor twice.  So there was upset on the cat front all day. 

I cleared everything off the table in the breakfast room and that was also a joy to see the surface.  I had to scrub it clean because the cats had been laying on it between objects and when I moved it all around I found plenty of evidence of cat hairs and dust.  So that all went.  (I haven't eaten at the breakfast room table for months). 

I then moved the furniture to the sides in the living room so that the full length of the room and the centre beam and fireplace with woodburner were on full glory display.  

The house actually felt livable again.  As you might guess I do very little housework under normal circumstances.  

Upstairs was all finished and dusted and hoovered a few days before and I made one last check over before he came and there was still a cobweb which he walked straight into in the first room.  I apologised for this but clearly it didn't really matter and I am sure there were many more cobwebs he saw if he looked up.  I go around my house without my glasses on so rarely see what other people see in distant corners. (I am short-sighted). 

So the valuer came.  We sat at the clean breakfast room table and he made some preliminary notes on my intentions which I explained were a bit blurred at the moment.  He said this was normal so I relaxed a bit.  He was actually a very nice man and we chatted for quite a while.  He made some notes and then we went round the house and he measured all the rooms quickly with a laser measure which made it all very quick. He then went outside to do the outdoors bit and I stood at the door at it was raining.   We then sat down again at the breakfast room table and continued chatting.  We discussed the area and the quietness.  We discussed some figures and he asked what I had in mind and I was very realistic and not silly about what I would expect.  He praised me for this objective approach and my on-going maintenance in all respects.  He liked the house and said he would happily live there which was encouraging. 

He will prepare the valuation report over the weekend because he said I could have it on Monday which I thought was quick.  

I will take it one step at a time and hope for a signal from above about what the right thing is for me and when.  I am sure as with all things that moment will come.  

My fitness routines

Having asked Joy on Diary of a (Retired) Teacher blog what her fitness routines are I thought I would tell you what mine are. 

Each day I do 15 minutes of chair exercises. I follow Tom on his You Tube channel ElderFit.  I started doing the exercises in September when I booked my holiday for later this year.  This was the first time I had booked a holiday so far in advance and it fixed my mind into thinking that if I am to go I need to increase my fitness for walking and also I wanted exercises that I could do on the journey there as the flight is 6 hours.  Although it is not a walking holiday each town and city we stop at involves a walking tour of anything from one hour to three hours.  Also intermediate stops normally involve some walking to museums etc.   

I do the chair exercises outside if possible as I feel more benefit if I am out in the fresh air.  I have only had a couple of days where I have had to do them indoors and a few times on a chair in the garage although for the first month I did them all indoors.    The exercises are easy to remember but I prefer to have Tom on his channel on my phone talking them through for the discipline of timings if nothing else.  I often do the exercises whilst waiting for the train and have practiced doing some on the train imagining that I am on the aeroplane!  Sounds like madness has set in in old age doesn't it!

After doing the exercises for two months I began to feel benefits so decided it was time to move forward and see more exercises and learn more about core muscles so I googled various things like 'how to get down to the floor and up again without props' and found lots on this and I now do the getting up and down from the floor exercise each day.  I then decided that I wanted to sit on my heels again like I did when I was young which led me to the sitting on heels videos.  I do this each day and see very small improvements to my quads although I sometimes wonder if I will ever get down to my heels again.  I do not watch any specific video for the heels exercise as I learned straightaway that it is a question of improving quads and doing squats in order to improve the quad muscles in the upper leg. 

(One thing I have learned is that core body and leg muscles are not improved by walking alone and that western doctors advice to walk is not necessarily going to help you enough.  The 10,000 steps business is a random number and not needed.  My average step total according to my phone is about 4000 when I go out for the day.  This is fine).  

Back to where I was in the paragraph before. This led me to Japanese exercises and the elderly which gave me bicycling in the air, legs against the wall and squats (yet more squats) and walking backwards to improve balance and brain power.  I now do these each day.  (The Japanese elderly do not walk far but they do the exercises).

I do not have any set times when I do the exercises and the 15 minutes with Tom in the chair exercises I often do while I am waiting for my tea to cook in the early evening dusk outside. 

The floor exercises I sometimes do while watching television in the evening and the legs against the wall (laying on floor with legs up the wall in front of you) I do before bed as this is supposed to be good to aid sleeping. 

So that is a boring run down of my exercises.  I also have insurance for the holiday taken out in advance in case I have to cancel.  My holidays are normally spur of the moment and involve not much more than a flight and a hotel and then finding a tour when I arrive.  This time it is all a bit more organised and therefore a bit more expensive hence my fears about cancellation.  The holiday insurance was not easy given my age and questions they ask and if you don't quite fit the normal of being an obedient person to your doctor like me.  It is all easier if you can just tick the boxes as they want you to!

I am out this morning to see my oldest brother and his wife who want me to look at some paperwork with them.  I have had to change my plans for the day but on balance I think it best if I go and see them.  I am still tidying up for the valuer's visit tomorrow and have been going room to room with the hoover and the duster!  More of that this afternoon.   I am also finding somewhere new to have my car MOT'd and serviced  following the abrupt closure of the Citroen dealer in Norwich with no warning or assistance offered.  I am  ringing round and waiting for calls back.  All things to keep me occupied but things I could do without.  

Sorry about such a boring post. 

Things

 Yesterday I was supposed to go to my little Thai lady for deep tissue massage but I received a message from her at 4am (I didn't see it until I woke up) telling me that she would have to cancel as she had pulled a muscle in her back and it was getting worse.  She sent a photo of a massage pillow she was sleeping on which seemed to have some kind of electric current going through it.  Sadly for the Thai lady it is difficult for her to get a massage for herself which is exactly what she needed.  (She texted me last night to say she has arranged a massage for herself  from another Thai lady and hopes to be recovered and able to fit me in on Sunday).   Obviously I completely understood so turned to a lunch date that I thought I was going to miss having unusually landed myself with a diary clash  and emailed my lunch girls to see if they were still meeting.  Fortunately they were so at 12 O Clock I was in the Sainsbury Centre for Visual Arts in Norwich on the UEA campus looking round the latest exhibition before meeting the girls for lunch in the restaurant.  

We hadn't seen each other since early December when we had a short mid-morning snack before three of them went off to see the Castle Museum since the changes.  I cried off that because I have yet to feel ready to see what they did to the Castle with all the millions spent.   Many of us who are familiar with the Castle Museum since we were small children and school visits starting when we were around 8 years old are reluctant to go to see what they have done to our beloved Castle.  My sister-in-law refuses to ever go again!   I feel sure that I will visit but in my own time.   The girls said they enjoyed their visit and joined one of the tours but found the guide a bit too over-bearing and not wanting to "let go" of anyone.  

Yesterday we caught up on all news like films and books seen and read.  My friends all go to the cinema like me but we tend to go singly or to different cinemas and we all like it that way.  The general consensus on Hamnet was the same, that we were a little disappointed and could not see what all the hype was about.  Song Sung Blue was the latest we had all seen and we had all enjoyed - Hugh Jackman and the Neil Diamond experience - and my latest was Rental Family which I was able to recommend in spite of only 1 star from The Guardian - always enough to give a film a thumbs up in itself.  Incidentally Rental Family stars Brendan Fraser who reminded me of the "date" guy I went out with for six months last year, both in physical looks and mannerisms.  Quite an amusing quirk for me and made me smile.  It is a lovely part Fraser plays as star of the film and it is a nice feel-good story and all set in Tokyo.

I have arranged to have the house valued and the valuer is coming on Friday so I have to tidy up a bit.  I am a bit in a quandary about what to do but I have decided to set the ball rolling thinking about moving.  The house is too big for me now and too isolated in terms of access to town life and always involving driving.  I have been looking at apartments around and about, both coastal and inland, and it struck me this week in a light bulb moment that I may as well move to an apartment in Norwich where there are plenty available, an overkill of conversions and building having taken place in the last 10 years and I am always going to Norwich, I may as well live there!   But then again .........

The doctor

The third death was just before Christmas although not entering the obituaries in the local paper until mid January. 

This one is a significant person to me but one I knew only very briefly but he made a very positive impact on me at a time when I was feeling very adrift.

This is the retired doctor who sat next to me in my philosophy class each week for two years and who I became close to and off-loaded to him about what had happened with my former partner.  I have written about it before.   He was a good listener and a good responder.   I won't bore you with it all but there was one very important conversation that stands out for me when he said I did not need to feel guilt about what had happened and I should not carry the burden of it.  This conversation ended with me in tears and a letting go of a lot of the tension I had been carrying for two years.  (This conversation took place outside the classroom in a car park after the class).

We remained friends at the philosophy class until Covid ended it abruptly in 2020.  We later swapped emails when he went to the Everest base camp, an adventure he had been planning for several years, and training for,  and I know that that all went well.  I emailed him when we had a new philosophy class three years ago but he never replied.  

The obituary in the local paper said that he died on the 5th December although the announcement was not made until mid January.  The wording was such that it puzzles me as no illness was mentioned and the announcement was very slow to appear in the paper.  No funeral was mentioned either.  I am sad because I had always thought I would see him again.  He was younger than me having retired early from the NHS.

Liz, my dear friend

Following on from the previous post, this is Liz, my second loss of last year.   I met Liz in 1990 when I attended Saturday classes at the Norwich School of Art.  Liz was an accomplished artist, garden designer and interior designer and had taken a part-time job as the administrator in charge of extra-curricular classes at the art school for some regular income.

 Liz was from a Catholic family in the city and went to the same convent as me but as were 10 years apart in years our paths did not cross at that time.  However, I did know her younger sister.   Our paths were to cross again and the next time we met aside from my Saturday drawing classes was with Antonia who I wrote about yesterday.  

Several years down the line,  Antonia was taking a group to Morocco and I joined her and here I met Liz again.  Liz and Antonia had known each other for many years although I did not know this at the time. 

This was to be the start of many trips for me to Morocco as Liz decided to take me along on her various trips:  drumming, dancing and Saraha adventures and this is where I met her Moroccan friend Alal who I was later to travel with alone.   

On my first trip to Morocco with Liz we went to search for land for Liz and then we went to the Fez Sacred Music Festival.  I was the guest of Liz because she invited me to join her as she did not want to be entirely alone for the second and third weeks of a month long stay.   Alal was driving her around looking at land although I was not with them the whole time.   This part of the trip was fraught as far as Liz and Alal went and the search for land which Liz wanted to buy so that she could  build a house did not go well and there were many arguments between them.    It did not end well. 

 

 

Back to the present, late last year I spotted an obituary in the local paper saying that Liz had passed away.  I had no warning and was not aware that she was ill.  The other day I looked at her 2024 letter to me received December 2024, which was her usual bright self including a poem and thoughts for the year.  

Her sister wrote an obituary for the Guardian which was published in Other Lives and the local paper contained a one page spread on her life.  Neither of these obituaries described the Liz that I knew and I wanted to scream out as I was reading them. It was clear that those of her family who lived miles away from her and who she rarely mentioned did not know the life of her that I knew.  I wondered if they ever knew of her trips to Morocco.  I concluded that possibly it was best if they didn't.  The search for land was costly and the venture never came to fruition. 

Liz was an animal lover and always had a dog as part of her life.  When we visited Morocco the first time together she smuggled a suitcase full of veterinary medicines to take to a local vet who she had  made arrangements to spend two days with helping in the clinic.  She did not tell me beforehand because the carrying of the veterinary products into Morocco was not without risk and she thought it better I didn't know as we passed through the airport.   I spent one day at the animal hospital with her but let her go for the second on her own. There were many dogs wandering around and I did not feel comfortable.  She happily went without me and I happily stayed at the riad. 

Liz did not marry but always had men around her and for her last years she had a partner, although she continued to live alone, who she met via the Guardian lonely hearts and they travelled together and were frequently together in the social scene locally.    He oddly did not get a mention in the obituaries.  Liz was an early entrant to on-line dating before it became as it is today and she had a very bad experience with a man who lured her to France under false pretences and she had to flee in the night with no car or way of getting home.  She secretly arranged for a taxi  to pick her up and so as not to be heard arriving at the house on the gravel she left on foot and fled up the road in the dark.   She wrote up her experience as an article which was published in the Guardian.  In spite of this experience she still tried out the lonely hearts columns and she did strike lucky.  I think the experience she had had in France would have put me off.  

I found out a few weeks ago that Liz's death had been very quick, a very aggressive cancer took her in a matter of weeks. 

Another friend gone and another who had been significant to me during a period of 10 years in particular.  Another reminder that I am getting old. 

Some history of travel

 Towards the end of last year I lost some close friends which has effected me profoundly.  I was not of the mind to speak about it here at the time.  They were people I have met in the latter part of my life rather than the school friend/work colleagues/boy friends of the earlier part.   I will tell you about one here today. 

The first to go was Antonia who I met 26 years ago via a local newspaper article about a planned art trip to Venice.  The article gave her phone number (would that be the case today?  I think probably not) and indicated that she was looking for people to accompany her.  My partner, now ex-partner, was at the time in a mental hospital where he was to spend six months under-going treatment for his first serious mental breakdown. I had received advice that is often given to partners of mental health patients "not to let them take you down with them" as can easily happen.  So with this at the back of my mind and as a kind of back up that I was doing nothing wrong I rang the lady, who was a complete stranger to me,  and said I would like to go to Venice with her.  She had a calm, down to earth, matter-of-fact way and gave me the facts of the flight, hotel name and timings and left it to me to book and to let her know when the booking was complete and she would then mail me her itinerary and a list of art materials that she suggested I take.   She then hung up. 

Although the call was short and business-like I knew immediately that I was going to get on with her.  So I went ahead with the booking of the hotel and flight via the internet which was new to me at the time and I believe the first time I had made bookings in this way.  I got back to her and confirmed as she had requested and I then duly received her lists and meeting points via the post.  The trip was to take place very soon after these arrangements were made which was good because it gave me no time for pondering or possible regrets.  I cannot remember telling my partner but I clearly told him on one of my visits which I made daily after work.  I was beginning to feel very detached from him while he was in the mental hospital and in the hands of experienced practitioners who had while he was there taken him out of my hands.  

So on the day that came I drove to Stansted Airport and walked into the departures and arrivals hall and walked over to a small group and asked if they were Antonia's group for Venice.  There were eight people, females, and one male and Antonia.  She stepped forward and introduced herself.  I had one outfit with me for the week, a red top and flimsy trousers that I bought especially for the trip.   It was a matching voile set and I wore it each day.  I was travelling light.   It was August and Venice was going to be hot.  

Here are two photos of our group.  The group was accompanied by an art historian, Rodney, who was  to become a close friend of mine.  Rodney was an architect and had at the time of this trip just finished studying history of  art as a mature student at UEA, the same university I recently attended,  His course had included a six month residency in Venice so he was able to talk to us about the history of many of the churches.   He was informative, relaxed and fun.  He later went on to do a PhD on sacred buildings of the Middle East and I was to accompany him to some sites in Syria but this never happened because he fell ill following a fall from a skylight whilst working in his architectural practice and died. It was a very sad time.  (Rodney can be seen in the picture below, back view, talking to a few of the group).

 

 In the bottom picture you can see Antonia in the middle in the white vest top giving a demonstration to the group.   

Antonia died last year.  I did write about her a few times in my previous blog.  She was the lady I wrote about who developed cancer and decided not to have any treatment.  She was by now in her early 80s and she said that one session of chemotherapy knocked her for six, she collapsed in her kitchen when she got home and made a decision there and then to not go again.  She lived on in a normal life for another two years before passing early last year.   She introduced me to Venice and without seeing that newspaper article about her trip who knows, I might never have taken that one step to Venice which led to many more visits in the years to come.  I owed a great deal to her and for her solid, straightforward approach to all matters and for keeping my feet on the ground during a difficult time that I was going through.  That trip changed my life.  A couple of years later I left my job and went to art school to study fine art,  Rodney wrote my reference, I returned to Venice as a student myself on a student trip and a new chapter of my life had begun. 

How we once were a few years ago

 It is a strange world we live in where we cannot get hold of a bank clerk to speak to isn't it?  We have acclimatised to banking without cheques and without branches, mostly reluctantly I imagine, but we now have to acclimatise to banking almost entirely alone.  I am quite happy with the way I bank but every so often I want to speak to someone.  

As the branches around me diminished I would drive a bit further and bit further to find a branch still open.  This option is now no longer available as all the county branches around me have closed.  

So today I tried ringing the number on the communication I had received from my bank. It was all legit and no scamming fears, just an ordinary, everyday matter but I wanted to speak to someone as I had a question.  

My call was answered by a robot who wanted me to say in a few words what my query was.  I quickly thought of somehing brief that I thought covered it but when it was repeated back to me it was nothing like I had in my mind nor with the correct understanding of what I thought I said.  Anyway, I went along with it and said Yes, very clearly as requested.  I was then asked for a digit of a pin that I was supposed to have for telephone enquiries.  I had no idea of one so I decided to just stay quiet hoping that the robot would move me on to an operator.  This didn't happen.  The robot kept saying " I did not catch that".  Over and over.   So then I chose an option indicating I had forgotten the digit although this was not true because I was not aware of ever having a pin for a telephone call.  I was then put on hold and was able to choose music or silence.  I chose silence and waited 5 minutes.  I know that isn't long but I had visions of 5 minutes turning into 10 and so on and I really did not want to be charged for a long hold-on call which is what happens with the landline at home which I was on.   I gave up and decided to answer my query myself to the best of my logical ability and not have the comfort of any confirmation from a bank clerk. 

Sad really and it only gets worse.  I see that HMRC queries take hours to be picked up and queries by letter can take months to be answered.  

I remember the days of working in investment we had to pick up the phone immediately and no more than two rings were allowed.  We were fast, on the ball, and human thrown in.  I worked from 7.30am with no set finish time.  You just finished when the last contract note was issued for the day.  

By coincidence I rang my broker today as I still deal from time to time and they answered on the first ring.  At least that hasn't changed.  Of course identity process was a lot more than we ever did but I knew why.  When I retired from that part of my life the internet was just beginning to take over, identification of grandma was upsetting but rules were rules,  money laundering was the nearest we got to scams and the money laundering legislation was new at the time. I had clients who would refuse to deal when asked questions about identity who would think I had gone barmy when I had known and dealt with them for years.  It was not an easy time.  We had a new appointment at head office,  a Compliance Manager.  He worked alone and was as laid back as anyone else.  It gradually enlarged to a Compliance Department and now they occupy their own building.

I once took a deal from a girl who parked her yellow Ford Escort outside the door, ran in with a fag on, and said she wanted to buy Asda shares (she was in a hurry as she had parked on a double yellow line)  thrust a cheque in my hand,  her name and address, and left. I had never seen her in my life before. I did the deal, the cheque was legit,  she got her shares, made a killing and we were all happy and I didn't get told off by anyone.   

Those days of the gut feeling that all is what it says it is and you can trust someone are long gone and have disappeared in my life time.  Even if you still have that gut feeling that it is going to be ok you cannot act on it today.   Such a change in how we live in a short space of time.   Shame all that is gone.   

Sentimental Value and Hamnet

 I went to see the Scandinavian film Sentimental Value on Monday and absolutely loved it, blown away as they say.  I was always an Ingmar Bergman fan and this was very reminiscent of his work, typical Scandinavian film, slow pace, family problems, silences, the human condition all thrown in with Norwegian scenery, houses, interiors, beautiful clothes and women and one troubled man.   I would love to see it again and may go if it is on at a suitable time, if not will wait for it streaming.

Yesterday I went to see Hamnet.  Whilst I can see that Jessie Buckley deserves all the accolades she is receiving, thoroughly deserved, she did her very best with what I thought a rather thin story, the film did little for me and I was soon bored and looking at my watch.  Scenes with childbirth and screaming I rarely find to my liking anyway.  There was plenty of Buckley screaming.   After an hour I saw a man walk out and not return and if it had not been for my curiosity that this story had to get better (it didn't)  I would have gone too.   I found the script and story weak and rather disjointed with scenes that felt amateurish like a school play.   If it hadn't been for all the hype surrounding the film I would not have gone but curiosity got the better of me.  I am a fan of Paul Mescal and had liked him in Normal People.  I think he deserves high praise too although his part is secondary to Buckley.  I really did not feel that I was watching William Shakespeare until very near the last scenes, maybe, with the performance of Hamlet of which we saw some moving moments, not sure how else to describe it.  

I am meeting friends for lunch today and looking forward to a catch up with a couple of school friends I haven't seen for several months. 

Monday

 I didn't get to see the Norwegian film on Saturday owing to a points failure on the railway and after sitting in a stationary train for one hour and seeing the time slipping by and the film start time rapidly approaching I had to abandon the journey and go home  Fortunately the train was halted in the station so many of us were allowed off the train and many made alternative arrangements to carry on the journey and were waiting for taxis to collect them as I left.   I went home. 

So today begins another day and I will try again.  I have yet to check the live train situation this morning but will do so next.  If the trains are running I will book a seat for the afternoon showing of the film.  I had planned today to see Hamnet or Song Sung Blue with Hugh Jackman but these will have to wait and I will see how the week goes.  Hamnet will be on for several weeks but Song Sung Blue not so long.  

I had a quiet day yesterday, home alone, and the weather was very, very cold here.  I found some fresh exercises yesterday and further information on the calf muscles and am concentrating on that area, often referred to as the second heart, vital for increasing blood flow to the lower limbs.   I have written the exercises down but they are basically calf raises by raising the heel off the floor and standing on tip toe which I have been doing since I started in September, balance exercises, bicycling in the air laying on your back with 20 fast cycles in the air followed by 20 slow ones, repeat three times, squats, and backward walking.  Backward walking is vital for knee strength, balance and cognitive function, would you believe.  Backward walking needs to be in a safe area of course and with balance or grab areas if necessary.  I set a chair here and there and keep well away from anything dangerous in the living room.  

I finished off by getting some fresh air and went for a kebab and a newspaper late afternoon.  Norwich won their cup game 5-1 which against a third division side is exactly what they should have done.  I had no contact with the outside world apart from the nice guys in the kebab shop which was just enough to make me feel alive.

Well done to Iranians for rising against Khomeini.  Long live freedom.  Perhaps our government will take heed and learn some lessons about the dangers of religious fanatics and stop shutting us up.

Everything is in your hands

Rather than shop today which I really need to do I am going to see Sentimental Values at the cinema.  It is a Norwegian film.  I have several things to do next week and unless I go to the cinema today I will not get to see this film which I really want to see.   Simple.  The cats have food and so do I, the stocking up of essentials can wait until tomorrow.  Sometimes Sunday shopping is very convenient although I wish I did not have Sunday shopping in Britain and I would like it to be the day of rest.   But that is long gone.  

Yesterday I went to see the Mollywood musical Sarvam Maya which was a good fun, feel good, Indian film.  I loved it and had the screening to myself.  I could jive around to my heart's content and sing along.   I loved it.  I took advantage of a lone daytime screening of this and all the other films I want to see could wait.  Then last night I noticed Sentimental Values so that must be fitted in today.   A warm day in the cinema and a gentle read of the papers and a coffee.   

Although I regularly wake up not knowing what day it is I had the experience yesterday of not knowing what day it was in the evening.  I had to actually check my phone to tell me.   

On arrival home from the Indian film I did my exercise routine outside in the cold weather.   I do not feel that I have achieved my daily exercise goal if I do the routine inside the house. 

Since starting the routines in September my fitness has improved and my understanding of fitness and what is best for ageing legs has also improved.  I now understand that walking is not enough to keep ones legs strong and healthy and I follow the Japanese example that one must do more than just walk.  I am working on the floor during the evening and the getting down and then up is coming along and the sitting on heels is slowly getting there.  You may recall that I said it can take easily six months to reach the heel.  As I have said before, there are many You Tube videos on leg exercises, Japanese culture in old age, and all things that western doctors do not tell you.  When I read of an old man's legs that are weak and giving him trouble I send vibrations to him to seek out the Japanese way and that walking is not lost and it is never too late.  

Last night after watching a couple of episodes of another James Nesbit drama, Stay Close, I found Heal on Prime which I remember I have seen before which is about the connection between emotion, stress, and the impact on health.   There is a great need for the re-education of doctors and less reliance on pharmaceuticals.  Since I watched the programme before, some years back, I have now experienced the force of doctors on trying to get me on to medication above all else, and no word about emotions, exercise or self-belief, apart from the elderly Indian doctor who clearly understood these things.   We are being failed by our health service in what they serve us. 

Starmer's Britain

 A motorist was shot dead by two policeman on the A11 at Thetford on December 28th following a collision on the road.  The road was closed while investigations took place.  Official investigation is, of course, on-going.

Small businesses throughout Norfolk continue to close down including family businesses, pubs, hotels and shops.  Farmers writhing from inheritance tax changes on land expect a government U turn following  pressure from Labour MPs across the country with farming constituents.  Starmer's government heralds the end of the small, independent business due to crippling labour charges, business rates and high cost of utilities substantially above similar businesses worldwide who protect small businesses.  Large employers in multi-national companies reduce labour costs by taking on fewer employees and unemployment grows. 

The population contine to live under NHS problems for the ordinary man on the street seeking appointments, post code lotteries in provision of care for elderly,  priorities for council housing being shifted to provision for asylum seekers ahead of long-standing local waiting lists, military not fit for purpose in both numbers and health, weight loss of the obese population approved not through health management and education but through drugs self-administered, short-termism with no improvement in education for the young in home economics and kitchen skills; a  dictatorship in education choices with school fees of independent schools now taxed with VAT, heating choices dictated for new builds, taxes levied on boilers not deemed meeting net zero, home ownership for the family home to be taxed out of all proportion to the ordinary occupants living day to day with ordinary jobs, incomes, families;  public transport provision poor in rural areas, freedom of speech curtailed, an Attorney General, Baron Hermer, a civil rights lawyer and politically aligned and friend and long-standing acquaintance of  Keir Starmer a former civil rights lawyer, a socialist; a Chancellor of the Exchequer, a former accounts clerk of a Marxist background who prefers a Marxist portrait in her office to that of a former Chancellor Nigel Lawson;  a Secretary of State, Mr Lammy, a civil rights lawyer with limited general knowledge.   What understanding do any of these people have of actually running a business, working with their hands, getting dirty, doing their accounts, doing PAYE returns in April, doing employee wages, balancing the books, not having a certainty of a job at the end of the day,  coping with employees' absentism, maternity leave, paternity leave, sick pay, NI contributions, not having 5 weeks guaranteed holiday each year, not having neat certainty of being able to pay the bills? No PAYE helpline anymore, no VAT office in the city, no help except on-line?   None. They know nothing about the real world we exist in everyday.  

And they are the people leading us.  What do these people understand about not being able to afford an EV, not feeling safe about heating their house, not seeing where the replacement car is going to come from?  Not funding help for its own people, just taking more and more all the time?  They know all about that.

Marty Supreme

I go to the pictures as a form of escape from being home alone all day and everyday,  housework avoidance and a place where I like to see movies.  This may be obvious and you may be thinking "why is she being so dumb to think she has to say this?"  Well there is a reason.  I do not watch many movies at home.  I watch documentaries, dramas and Asian street food.  I do not like watching movies on the small screen and most of my favourite movies like Everything Everywhere All at Once are meant to be seen in the cinema.  They don't work at home on the tv set in the living room.   

Yesterday after I got over nearly losing my car on the black ice of the car park and damaging several other cars and moving very slowly to a different parking location completely before I could even think again about what  I was actually doing, i.e. going to see a film,  I did go and see a film and got over the black ice.  But it was deadly.

I went to see Marty Supreme.  This is what my first paragraph was all about, going to the movies to see a movie.  Do not bother to watch this film at home.  I wouldn't and will never watch it at home or see it again.   In fact, even if you are a Timothée Chalomet fanatic like me do not even bother to cry if you miss this movie.  Chalomet is brilliant, so is the vegan well-ness freak Gwyneth Paltrow, in fact all the acting is terrific.  The sound track has to be mentioned, you cannot write about this film and not mention the music.  It is also terrific. 

We are in 1950s New York but we start with  Forever Young 1980s Alphaville and we end with Everybody Wants to Rule the World 1980s Tears for Fears.  

Forget getting in a tizz because it might be a sports movie about ping pong.  Some people have reservations about sports movies.  In fact sports movies are really never about just sport.  Like Christy I went to see a few weeks ago was not about a female boxer but was really about a controlling relationship.  So, Marty Supreme is not really about ping pong.  It really isn't.  It is about a misfit character called Marty who wants to be successful but isn't.  He is a mixed up character who says all the wrong things and then will later come round and make amends for saying them.  He is a hustler, like we don't really have in Britain, a word I don't know much about until I looked it up, a wheeler dealer who is good at it.  Marty is one of those and good at it, a good shoe salesman.  I didn't know whether to like him or not.   

It is chaos and very noisy and that is not just the music.  The story has many many sub-stories and is not always easy to follow, especially the dog, and most of the stories leave you hanging and you never get to the end of them and if like me you like things to be cut and dried they aren't in this film.  The director is on his own and not with his brother who he used to direct with.  Josh Safdie on his own having a load of fun with this movie and spending lots of money on it, I gather.  I can't think why but it was high budget. 

And it is a bit too long too. 

So I had a nice afternoon out, I didn't wreck the car or anybody elses and I saw a fun movie that I didn't like all that much, which was extremely chaotic, noisy, too long, and really not worth seeing if I am honest.

Ice time and movies

 The temperature got down to -7 C overnight this week and I had to cope with keeping the house at a good temperature not to freeze pipes.  I made many references to the weather forecast during the evening being aware that wind could have significant consequences for potential freeze in the house roof. Fortunately the wind did not get up.  I built up a pretty good barrier of heat in the house from mid afternoon onwards, had nobody to discuss it with, built up the woodburner to give off heat for a good part of the night, turned off the central heating and went to bed.   I am still here.  The less said about it the better.  It is one fact of living alone that at times like this one misses being able to discuss such issues with another person.  

Yesterday I went for first massage of the year with the little Thai lady and she gave me a one hour bonus on top of hour I had booked as a Christmas present for loyalty to her business.  It was very welcome.  She wanted to do foot massage which I believe will help significantly with blood circulation.  

When I left the clinic to come home the temperature had risen and was now 1C and the sky was grey.  It made my drive back from the station considerably easier than my drive in had been with the roads solid, packed snow that had turned to ice.   The evening was also very pleasant in the house and less stressful without the worry of -7C overnight temperatures. 

In the evening I continued watching Mr Good an intriguing documentary about the Norwegian police and in particular of one police officer who was appointed as what is known as an informant handler and ended up being accused of drug trafficking and corruption and complicity with the informant.  The Norwegian legal system left me perplexed when a jury decision upon deliverance to the court can be overturned there and then by the judges if they don't like it.  This is what happened in the courtroom and there was no evidence that the jury had mis-applied the law. It seemed to be against the whole principle of trial by jury.   The trial was re-held on appeal and the police officer went to court a total of three times until, it seemed, that the judges got the decision they wanted.  It is in Norwegian with English sub-titles and takes a good deal of concentration.

Today I am off to see Marty Supreme starring Timothée Chalamet, one of my favourite actors.  Chalamet has been preparing for the part for several years to perfect his table-tennis skills by insisting on having a table tennis table provided at each of his previous movie locations for the past three years which I believe would be Dune 2, Wonka, and the Dylan movie.  Chalamet is in much demand.   The story is based on a real life character and is not exactly a true story but it is  loosely so.  On speaking to a friend of the real Marty it is said that the real Marty would have loved it.  So now all that awaits is for me to see the film later today.  

An Everyday Story

 Give praise for the removal of Madura and the act of compassion to the people of Venezuela.  That is enough to say. Forget politics and think of happy people who have been saved. If you do not know of the suffering of Venezuelans under Madura then you need to do some learning, quick.   The reveal of Madura's allies in the US may never be known but no prizes for guessing, I have a few ideas. 

It has snowed here again in the night and I have a hair appointment in a minute.  I will have to brace myself and drive. 

Yesterday all of Saturday's snow had gone and I met my friend for coffee whose husband is in the hospice.  I see her as and when she contacts me for some respite of her own.   On the way home I received a call from oldest brother to say youngest brother had had a stroke and was in hospital. So I called into see oldest brother as I was very close to his house at the time of the call.   As it happened the ambulance passed me when I came away from coffee so little did I know that in there lay my brother.  He is ok and it was not a big stroke, just a small one.   I had a strange dream the other night which foretold this event so I was not surprised which sounds a bit blasé but life is strange in its ways. 

I came back, lit the fire and had tea.  I did my exercises outside in the dusk and then finished watching Click Bait on Netflix later.  I recommend this to you although it is maybe a trifle long.  I have watched it over three nights.  I did floor exercises whilst watching.

Edit 

Brother is having MRI scan today so not coming home yet. 

Snow and Exercise and Netflix

 Today is my school friend's birthday.  She is 74 which means we are all 74, some have arrived already and some of us yet to arrive.  There are many of us in a group who are still in touch and see each other often.  74 sounds old and it is time for us to embrace old age.    Not a nice thing to have to do when we all feel so young still. 

Yesterday I went out in the morning to buy a paper and some more tomato juice.  The tomato juice is already working on the dry skin and I am much improved.  As Dr Google said, one cup of tomato juice per day will give me almost all the Vitamin C I need.  The rest will come from the food I eat.

It has been snowing this morning so I have treated myself to two extra hours on the heating switch button.  It has been snowing for about an hour.  My birthday friend who lives 31 miles north of me woke up to the snow so I guess the snow is moving down through the county towards Suffolk.  

I have finished the Flowers in Amsterdam jigsaw and started another one, a New York Apartment.  It is great and I have to hold back or it will be finished too quickly.  It is a great jigsaw.  Lots going on with different colour furniture etc.  Always good for a jigsaw, different colours for strategy planning. 

The cats have taken over my chair where I sit for breakfast and a lot of the day so I have moved over to another one, it is the easiest solution.  If I continue to insist the chair is mine they will just drape themselves all over me and make things like Wordle and Codeword impossible on my laptop as they vie for space. 

I have loved Run Away on Netflix.  I watched it over two nights.  I am a James Nesbitt fan.  I recently re-watched the murdering Coleraine dentist The Secret, also James Nesbitt and on Netflix, which is great.  I recommend both these if you are looking for good drama.

I am getting on well with the sitting-down-to-heel exercise with improvements in lowering myself down experienced after just a few days.  The getting down to floor and up again without touching furniture is also improving and much more controlled now and I am beginning to achieve it with more finesse. 

If you are a senior and need an easy entry into exercising without going to a gym and without the need for buying anything there are lots of exercises for the elderly on You Tube which are very good, can be done from the chair to start with moving onwards if you wish to and getting the legs moving, particularly good for the knees.   I am glad that I have discovered them and that I do not need to join a gym.  

The snow has now stopped and the sun is shining.  Let us hope that that is the lot as far as snow goes. 

New Year's Day

 I was woken last night by fireworks going off so assumed it was midnight and didn't look out.  The cats were as far as I was aware asleep downstairs and would probably not stir.   Being disturbed at midnight I then slept through to 8.35am. 

I am continuing to dispose of my belongings which has been on-going for many months, either giving away or charity shop or dustbin.  I gave some art books to a young girl I met at the embroidery session in case you wonder what I mean by 'giving away'.

I do not want a stranger going through my belongings when I die so I am doing it myself whilst living and able to do it.  This will also help if I move into a retirement apartment, no point in carrying unwanted things from one place to another.  There are many things that I have hung on to for no reason other than sentimentality and I am now able to shed these and not feel the need to keep them.  I am slowly getting through vases, jugs and books and delivering to charity whenever I can.  Private things like photos and diaries I am dealing with at home on my own.    My feelings are strong and my mind made up that I do not need them anymore and now is the time to let them go.  I had diaries from the 1980s to 2010 which I put on a bonfire when I moved here and I now have the next 15 years which I no longer feel the need for.  I have not kept diaries as such for years and I have generally written notes to myself in notebooks and kept them.  They are now disposed of.   Today I went through some shredding.  I am happy with it and feel nothing but freedom at the end.   

I have very few clothes and generally wear the same things day in and day out and now that I am not working I do not have a "work wardobe" and a "casual wardrobe".  Now everything is casual.   So clothing that has not been touched or worn for 10 years is being laundered and taken to charity.  This is also the second time I have done this, I had a clear out when I moved here and as with my old diaries I do not feel anything for the clothing and there is very little left of any consequence over and above my daily needs.   

I have never had many belongings and I do not have a garage full of rubbish.  My garage is for my car and for my wood supplies.  People that I know tell me they have a garage full of rubbish, it seems to be the place to put things out of the way to deal with "another day".  

And on that note I wish you again a Happy New Year.