Grief

 I have blacked out the bedroom windows and am sleeping longer in the mornings now, not waking until gone 7.    I have also taken out the night light which I had to light my way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. (It also shed a small amount of light into my bedroom).  This was one of the three nightlights I put in when my ex partner left 9 years ago.  These lights made me feel more comfortable in the farmhouse alone in the night and were suggested to me by the lady in the electrical shop when I asked if there was such a thing as a night light.  They are an LED light that plugs straight into the socket.   I have moved the bathroom trail one to another socket in the next bedroom so that it still gives me some light.  I take my phone with me to the bathroom now in order to give me light from the screen to find my way. 

It is nine years this August since he went.  It still seems like yesterday and I relive that time over and over again especially when driving along through the area he lives when I talk out loud in the car about what the signs were, how he behaved etc.  It is about time after nine years that I stopped doing this.  But I can't. 

Grieving doesn't have a set ending time and much as I would like to say I am over it the grief still manifests itself and grief isn't just about sadness.  Grief possibly has something to do with me not sleeping well for all the years he has been gone.  As I had also stopped work three months before he left I usually put not sleeping very well down to not being tired because I don't work.  Who knows.  

After nine years I shouldn't still be looking across the living room at the empty chair but I do.  

He isn't dead and I  wouldn't want him back but I still grieve for what we had and what we were going to have and mornings like today will still take me back to the shock of the morning I woke up and found he had disappeared.  Clear blue sky, perfect ordinary day like today, except it wasn't a perfectly ordinary day.  I have a full life again but the grief is still there.  I doubt it will ever totally disappear. 

Peace

 This afternoon I went to Women's Institute and we had a talk on birdsong from a woman who is also a folk singer and musician.  An interesting combination of interests but apparently not so unusual and many singers, even opera singers, have a strong interest in birdsong she told us.  

The talk took us to Rye Harbour Nature Reserve where she had undertaken a residency a few years back and lived in a caravan on her own for a year recording birdsong and writing songs.  She showed slides, played birdsong recordings,  and sang her own songs.  Excellent afternoon. 

King Charles was wonderful in the US and the perfect antidote to President Trump.  His voice sounded amazing and his delivery to Congress was of well chosen words which he imparted without hesitation.  I hope all the doubters about the visit will now see that it was the right thing for Britain and the US.  Charles and Camilla are representing Britain with style and diplomacy and fortitude.  

 

Two films

 I went to see the Michael Jackson movie Michael.  Yes, it is a biopic rather than a documentary.  His nephew plays him and does it very well.  It is a story that tells you very little about Michael, I know that sounds crazy,  but it gives little or no explanation about anything that you see in front of you, it is just presented without much background or stuffing,  nothing much about what was going on in the heads of anyone in the family except that Jackson senior was pretty cruel to Michael when he was growing up.  I don't know how much this harshness is true but there was nothing to tell us anything really.  I am guessing of course that he was a harsh man.  At least with other biopics, such as Freddie Mercury,  I was able to get my head around his problems, or thought I could, and where he was coming from.   This Jackson one did not give me that. None of his brothers speak in the film at all although in the first part with cruel dad they are present when Michael is getting the belt.  This early life part takes up easily a third of the film and is a lot about the cruelty and dominance of Jackson senior. 

There is quite a lot of Michael's obsession with getting things right in dance and production on stage, quite rightly so, and then we see him with exotic animals but no explanation of how they come to be there like a giraffe and llama in the garden.  I actually covered my eyes because I am not that great with chimpanzees and hand holding and talking like they are a child and a giraffe running by.    I don't know if the menagerie was true but I do recall him having a chimp as a pet but this one looked scarily like a AI image.    The film goes up to 1988 and there is no bad stuff in it about Michael.  It just suddenly ends and it says "to be continued" or something like that. 

There was quite a lot of music when the credits went up at the end so it was worth staying the  seven or eight minutes to hear the most of the music of the whole film if the music is what you want which I did.   I was the only person who stayed through all that.  Everybody else just got up and left as soon as it said "to be continued".  All in all a bit disappointing and about 2 stars.  

Today I went to see Mother Mary which is my worst movie ever in a while and I left before the end.  I really could not get my head around it, what it was about, what was the point of it and what was such a good cast doing in this rubbish film. Did it ever get going?  Not while I was there.  It didn't seem to be a horror or spooky even though a ghost was mentioned, it was unconvincing.    But then that was just me, maybe others like it.  It starred Anne Hathaway and Michaela Coel and it was something about a pop singer reuniting with her estranged partner(?) fashion designer.  I had high hopes in the opening scene when Anne Hathaway staggers into the fashion design house uninvited through the rain and pushes past everyone like a woman possessed and then it was downhill all the way.   Of course I left before the end so maybe it all happened in the last 30 minutes so who am I to say but I wasn't the only person to walk out and not come back.  I would seriously say do not bother to go to this film and I don't like saying that. 

Cafés and Packs

 The weekend passed fairly quickly and uneventfully.  I  firstly met up with a lady from the Women's Institute who invited me to join her for a late coffee on Friday afternoon.  She suggested a café in the town where I had last summer been having coffee with the young date guy.  It was one café we had not reached before we stopped what we were doing.  (It is a town of linear settlement with many cafés stretched over a mile long street so it would have taken us several months of coffee on a Saturday afternoon to get to the end).  

It was a pleasant little place which I remembered as a jewellers many years ago.  It was like a tardis being tiny and happily and comfortably squeezing in several tables in a nice bright atmosphere.  It appeared to do everything from coffee to burgers to milk shakes to herbal teas and a steady stream of regulars came in whilst we were there.  This lady is new to me and we passed a pleasant hour.  It certainly makes a big difference to the day to meet up with someone when living alone.  She also lives alone.   

It was a pity that I had not got to this café with the boy.  However, it was a good summer whatever even if we didn't manage to visit every single café in town and he gave me lots to write about in my poems.   I believe it was meant to be that he came into my life at that point in time.  There is always a reason for everything I think. Fate, a power beyond human control.  I was writing my dissertation which included a collection of poems.  I was presented with this bundle of happiness in the form of a short but happy relationship and the words flowed. 

I received a new backpack on Friday.  I ordered from Amazon one weighing less than a pound and having a 40 litre capacity.   I had become fed up with my one weighing 4 lbs empty, also 40 litre capacity.   4 lbs is a lot to start with empty when you are filling a pack for a two week holiday.  I took a chance with a £20 thin pack with good reviews. 

I was not disappointed and yesterday packed as if ready to go and the difference was startling, 4 lbs is like lugging around two bags of sugar and that was no more.  Here is a picture of the new pack.  I have sorted out my things and it will work for me.  I took a walk around the garden with it fully packed to sort out straps and the pull on the  shoulders which is important when using rucksacks. 

 

The weather will be quite hot and the necessity for lots of different outfits  is not relevant for me.  Travel within the country will be by buses and trains and air.    I feel comfortable that I have made the right backpack decision. 

An everyday story of modern British folklore except it isn't folklore

 News from the front line of My World is that the BBC spokesperson in Tehran does not impart news of what is going on,  she speaks only of Trump.  She uses  her BBC spokesperson front line, on the ground,  as an anti-Trump platform for the world, apart from Iran of course, read on.   The BBC position in Tehran is allowed on the condition that her "news reports" are not broadcast on BBC Iran service.  However, Iran may fear not as she is only knocking Trump in any case.  

As I said a couple of days ago, the media coverage of the Iran war does nothing except puff up the feathers of the regime in Iran. 

To you BBC watchers, see if this is the case.  I don't watch so impart what others have said. 

We no longer have petrol and oil prices on the front pages of the papers.  They have moved over to allow for Starmer and Mandelson news.  Strait of Hormuz is no longer of interest and we fill up our cars in a quieter atmosphere without fears of queues and rationing and calmness reappears in my everyday life of short trips and petrol needs, films, food, and friends. 

The Starmer Mandelson story concerns the appointment of Mandelson by Starmer as the UK ambassador to Washington. in 2025  I state this for overseas readers who may be puzzled.  I am not sure if I have any overseas readers or any readers at all come to that although I have page viewers.   Anyway, Mandelson was a known bad lot and had twice under Blair's government had to resign from Cabinet positions as unfit for office on the grounds of "personal mismanagement".  

Let us keep Starmer as Labour leader as the dangers that lurk around him would finish Britain off.  Rayner going on state visits doesn't bear thinking about. Still ducking £40,000 tax evasion on a house purchase in a wealthy Hove and Brighton locality when of course she knew  but then perhaps she muddled her tax advice with a cheap jack conveyancer who wasn't too clever and let her down but she got good advice on where to buy.  266 miles from her actual constituency, small town on the outskirts of Manchester full of barbers and vape shops and taxi drivers and houses that do not go up in value by the million mark as they do in Brighton and Hove. 

Rudakubana and Calocane move over for Starmer and a St George's Day address where he managed to address the nation without actually saying "England" once.  

This is what the fickle voters of England want with their woke minds stamping their feet and  following their beloved Radio 4 Today and following the BBC News, denials not believed incidentally.   Yes, the radio is on in your kitchen right now and does it register in your brain?  Yes, of course it does.  BBC : The Greens are this and they will save you.   Enjoy what your vote will bring you.  After all it brought Wilson once upon a time and then Blair and now Starmer.  No need for the Greens to mention anti-semitism (in Norwich the Green Party are canvassing on the doorsteps that October 7th was a hoax),  Muslims,  welfare, migrants, murderers, rapists, groomers, knifers, drug barons, more welfare, more asylum hotels (May,  the numbers crossing the Channel will reach new highs in the El Nino weather) leading to yet more unemployed, more NI to pay from Reeves, more tax, more and more and more unemployed (repeat is intentional)  more shut shops, more knives, more ogling of young girls,  more touching, more feeling, more ogling again,  more park deaths with knives,  more welfare, more tax down the drains, more Britain down the drain, more second class citizenship for locals, more first class for illegals with welcome to Britain posters and all welfare dished out on arrival.  More welfare, more welfare, welcome to Britain.  No more jobs, no more green fields and no more dark satanic mills either.  Only fields of solar panels and no food. 

Sign on for welfare, sign on as a 17 year old  when really you're 32, you didn't come from Somalia, you came from Kenya and you weren't in a war zone and your papers all fell in the sea when someone jogged your arm. You paid a shipper to ship you here and he went home to his yacht and he used the sign on papers too to send British welfare to his family in Albania as he thought he might as well have some of it too.  (£53M in welfare from Britain  sent to families in Bulgaria by one gang alone).  

More Government Madness

Once again Parliament illustrates that it does not learn from history, whether recent or ancient.  Even at the most basic level it is clear to see that the money handed over to France by Sunak did nothing to quell the arrival of illegal immigrants across the Channel.  So why does Starmer think it a good idea to hand over another £500M to France?   They want all of us to hand over our taxes at the appropriate times which I have just done in January.  

They want small businesses to survive and pay taxes under crippling tax regimes and now to produce figures every quarter thus burdening them more.  Reeves wants the taxes to run the country.   Sooner or later she is going to find that the small businesses are going to run dry and those tax returns and payments in January and July are going to go away and the big payers will have long gone. 

And now what do we see?  £500M handed to France to stop migrants.  Reeves might as well open a drain lid and shove the money down the drain for all the good it is going to do.  Learn from the mistakes of the Tories.  

Learn that these attempts at stopping illegal migrants by chucking money to France do nothing,  absolutely nothing in addressing the problem.  No common sense whatsoever.  

The numbers crossing the Channel each year are phenomenal, like 44,000, 45,000, you name it they come in droves and summer is on its way with calm waters and idiots in government.  France love to push the migrants our way.  

In Blair's Britain it will never be stopped.  In Blair's Britain when a chicken McNuggets lover cannot be deported because it is against his human rights to deprive him of British McNuggets we are never, ever going to stop illegals entering and staying in this country.  If you think I have made a mistake in saying Blair, I haven't.  Blair created this Britain in 1997 and the 1998 Human Rights Act.  Britain as we knew it was forever gone.  

And still the Kings Trust tells us that 990,000 young people are out of work.  

We are never going to get a government who can join up the dots unless Margaret Thatcher rises from the dead and returns.  

Socials and films etc.

 Yesterday I was going to see Michael, the Jackson film just out, but because it had a start time of 11.30 am I decided against it and will choose a later time next week.  So I went back to the drawing board and found a film starting at 2.15 pm, much better, called The Wizard of the Kremlin.  I had never heard of it and the Odeon were giving it only two showings and with Kremlin in the title it was a must for me.  I mean, me, lover of all things Russian.   It was advertised as a thriller/drama and satire.  Even better.  And nominated for the Golden Lion award at the Venice Film Festival.    Well the long and the short of it is that I loved it.  It is a satire indeed, but not much of a thriller at all, but a good bit of dark humour.    And it fitted very nicely into my way of thinking as expressed in my Sunday post this week and the comments that followed.  Very coincidental.   So perfect I am seeing it again today as the only other screening is the one at 2.15 today.  Jude Law plays Putin, and Paul Dano a fictional political adviser to Putin, Baranor.  It is set in the final years of the Soviet Union and brings in nicely my point about US interference in Ukraine in 2004/2014 as discussed in my comments on Sunday.   The film must be of limited interest I would think and it certainly helps to have some knowledge of Russia besides just "I hate Putin" type of facts, in order to recognise the satire and comedic slant of the film and understand it.   

Today, before seeing the film for the second time, I am going for lunch with my friends who I meet every four to six weeks. This is my birthday lunch a bit late.  We waited so as to avoid the school holidays.  Fortunately the restaurant we ae going to is two minutes walk from the cinema and we are meeting for an early lunch.    

I rang the travel company yesterday just to touch base with them really.  I also rang the insurance company to check that they consider Azerbaijan in Europe because my annual policy is a Europe policy.  They confirmed that it does.   

All is well and it is a nice, small group of 6.  That means that there must be at least one other person travelling alone for there to be a neat even number of 6.  Couples are ok but they can get a bit clingy to each other to the exclusion of singletons although this is by far not always the case.  6 is a very small group although I think Moldova was only 7 and great fun .   Group tours can be of all shapes and sizes.  Readers of Joy, Diary of a Retired Teacher will see that she is currently in a group of 40 visiting Crete, and it sounds like a treat.  So Addy, if you are reading this and still wondering about going on holiday alone, take it on board that group tours are great for those travelling without a partner and you can always choose to spend time alone even when in a group including being as unsociable as you like over breakfast as I sometimes do when I can't face talking to anybody when I have just got up.  A nod and a smile is often about all I can muster at 7am.

Vote Conservative Kemi Badenoch

 Bring back the Tories.  Take out Rayner, Miliband and Andy Burnham.  We will suffer under any one of these three and the country will go further and further down the drain and into oblivion.  3 years is a long time for more suffering of a country teetering along. 3 years is a long while for trade union red robbos to take over anything that is left of industry.    3 years is a long time for net zero madness.

No bond market on our side means no Britain. You may not like many capitalist lending tools but they are vital enablers for government finance spending.   Alienate the bond market at your peril.  

You may have hated Boris Johnson for  a piece of cake that a civil servant who should have known better organised and no office manager said no, you work here and you play outside the office, but no, civil servants cannot be crossed.   I loved the Tories when they helped with electricity payments and money appeared when they said it would and sometimes even took me by surprise. Socialists hated to say it but yes, it helped.   At least it came to us all.  You may have wanted a laughing stock to fill your phone feeds with cakes but at least you still had money and if you had to work from home or not work at all you had a money feed of furlough payments.  Now it is all not so funny after all.  Mandelson is the piece of cake that won't go away for Starmer and it is a far worse piece of illustration  of poor leadership than a birthday cake made in Downing Street ever was.  But let it go so we don't go further down the drain.  Better the devil you know than Rayner or Miliband or Burnham. 

Take the picture of a high street in decline in any city and that is Britain for you in a nutshell.  No head in the sand needed because it is all around us.   Amazon or not, the staff disappear in the shops.  900,000 young people out of work.  National Insurance hikes and minimum wage bills will see to it that that stays, unfashionable jobs and unemployment in the family history ok to stay in bed all day and go out at night. Ketamine for recreation.   

I did see Diane Abbott's wonderful take down of Starmer, the first time I believe I have seen good in Abbott, she actually hit the nail on the head of what people want, truth and transparency and it doesn't take much to remember the times that Mandelson was sacked from Cabinet in the 1990s but as I said before, perhaps Starmer's adviser Morgan McSweeney was just too young to know and should never have been advising Starmer in the first place.  

So this is  what happens when we become fickle and very stupid  in our voting,   We end up with the Labour Party and a near broken Britain edging back to a more breaking by the EU.  Please note Juncker is still there advising Brussels. 

How many followers do I have? 24.  No worries.

I could just write that it is a lovely  day and the trees are full of blossom.  Or I could remind you about a tube strike later this week. 

Darkness to Light and back again

Yes, My World blog is my world and sometimes I share with you my thoughts.  I take it upon myself to write them down.  I do not invite hatefulness to me.  This post is for thinkers. 

If the Middle East is a subject that means only fuel price changes for you then so be it.   The war would be nothing but a disaster for this reason.  CNN and other news channels are experts on this.  I merely mention CNN because it was on my phone this morning and the journalist of the channel knew all the ins and outs of everything to do with the failure of Trump and Netanyahu.   

I am guessing the news media in the west help Iran and Iran puff their feathers out.  Life is odd now that we do not support ourselves with jubilation and love but knock and kick ourselves.   As a news channel the word is the word of the  oracle.  

There is nothing to allure one to the media.  

Wouldn't it be good to have Ukraine as part of Russia again and no more war and just peaceful citizens all in work as Russian bus clippies and scientists and manufacturers and fur trappers and musicians and writers and vodka every night and Ukraine wheat fields without tank damage once more?  If the young leaning left and green are keen for us to all live happily together then there is no reason why Ukraine should not revert back to being part of Russia.  They all speak Russian, have Russian grandmas and heritage and Stalin is long gone.  Even though the starvation will never be forgotten there is a lot to be said for being alive and not dead in a 21st century war  in a country that is just about repairable before it is all lost under tanks and artillery.    A country of green fields of 2004 restored and never the likes of  Obama interfering.  He was always very keen on the EU.  He gave a speech for the Labour Party urging voters to vote Remain in the referendum in 2016 when Corbin refused to give it.  Corbin wanted out.    I think Obama was visiting Brussels at the time and Labour persuaded him to speak out to Britain while he was there. 

 I changed my mind about Ukraine you see.  There is nothing much to be positive about under Zelenskyy.  No talks and no Dondas discussion at the start of war.   We have young Ukrainians who had children under 10 who came here to Britain and made home here and forget their country and their fathers.  I have friend who took in refugee mother and child.  She has no intention of going back, son goes to English school and father teaches in Kyiv and has never gone to war but child doesn't know him anymore and wife has taken a lover here.   I don't think she ever intended to go back and she got refugee status welcome and then she took a job.    The percentages of Ukrainians for and against war gives all sorts of scenarios  and varies a lot.  Some say over 60% want to have talks to end the war and give up some land to Russia.  Some say much less than this.  Some say 25% want to continue with war against Russia and not give in to anything.  Mums just want the fighting to stop and have their boys back.  

No need to just grab men off the street and send them to war with Russia but this is what Zelenskyy did, conscription and dead men and widows resulted.   But then Putin is hated by all because he is hated in writing for being a Russian as Russians are in government very corrupt and a different leader would not change this. The World Cup went very well there in 2018.  Will Russia compete in the World Cup in June?  No.  That is sad for a country to not be allowed to play when they have such a strong football history and hate continues when hate should not be in such a situation of sport and people.  I don't get the punishment of a country dished out by sporting authorities like the Olympics and FIFA.  It punishes the people.  A bit like points deductions in the British leagues for bad financial management of a club.  I think points deductions are wrong. 

Nato madness of manoeurves antagonised Russia.  The UN would  be fair to all parties in their chambers which they are not and I saw them not being fair to Israel in a live UN televised debate and that further put me off the UN.

And the EU not to exist anymore would be good.  It got way too big and nothing whatsoever to do with the Common Market.   We could have just peaceful countries growing crops with fields of tobacco in France and peppers and strawberries and walnuts in the Dordogne and no brambles and weeds paid for in place of crops. 

 Let the EU and Brussels and Luxembourg go away.   Let visas count again and praise be to Greece for letting in the tourists with gay abandon as they are today with sense and well-being first for their own people and swiftness of entry. 

Let the only asylum seeker in sight  be Nuryvev and a French aerodrome.  

Welfare to a minimum and Doris Lessing days of the 1950s London where welfare was non-existent ( Her book I have told you about before is a must read.   Walking in the Shade Vol. 2 when she arrived in London).

Why is nobody signing up for the Army?  Because they might as well sign on.  The Conservatives were going to introduce a short spell of national service but they were not elected so it never happened. 

  

I slept with a blackout across my eyes last night.  I don't have a mask but used a silky black scarf that I bought in Top Shop at Oxford Circus in 2007.  I remember buying it on my way to college one morning.  I used to like hanging around in London.   Anyway, I got 8 and half hours sleep last night so that was a good start to the blackout test.  I have been getting far too much light in my bedroom from light night skies and early morning light.  The scarf didn't bother me lightly looped around my head and sleep came all night.   I don't think I need to spend money on a mask, the scarf will do the job.

This post is ok and I give myself a good mark for writing it and letting some thoughts go out for a meal time chewing of the cud.  

What would it be like to live in Russia?  You might have a dachau, you would speak Russian and learn English at school in some schools.  You could go hunting and fishing and skating  and swimming and play football and learn ballet and singing and go to wonderful museums if you live in St Petersburg or Moscow.  You could visit churches and wonderful monuments to the dead and wonderful statues to the working man.   You would have hot summers and cold winters.  The Black Sea is a wonderful place for a holiday with beautiful beaches and a sea to jump in, shallow for ages and waves to jump.  My favourite ever sea.    You could eat solid foods and drink wine and promenade early in the evening.    Life in Russia is pretty good.  I would like to visit St Petersburg again and spend more time in the Hermitage Museum.  

Fact

Firstly Viktor Orban was not a dictator.  He was democratically elected four times over 16 years.  He was a man who believed in Hungary, keeping it Hungarian, and was a euro-skeptic and a Ukraine skeptic who didn't believe that the EU should fund Ukraine in its war with Russia.  Nobody disappeared under Orban, nobody was tortured, murdered, never seen again.   There were no dark moments, it was all out in the open.  Some dictators for you:  Saddam Hussein - disappeared or killed under him - 1 million people.   Absolute power.   Idi Amin, disappeared 500,000 people.    Adolf Hitler,  millions.  Stalin, millions.  Whatever you think of Orban wanting to keep Hungary's borders closed and Hungary for Hungarians, he was not a dictator, tyrant or murderer,   I don't like to see him maligned by writers.  He did not fight the result or make claims of fixes or unfairness;  he accepted Magyar won.  They were friends and will remain so.  They share many beliefs so maybe the changes will be EU ways but nothing too dramatic in terms of border changes unless EU pressure succeeds.

Second,  Iran must not have nuclear weapons.  That is the intention of Trump  - to rid Iran of nuclear weapons.  Read fully for yourself and you will see. Do not be mislead by ignorant journalists with only political agendas.   This is a world problem and one that should be embraced by the world that Iran must not have nuclear weapons.  

The oil price is coming down again now that the Strait of Hormuz is open.  (After shopping I discovered that it closed while I was out.  Must be Starmer and Macron's fault but they will save us!  US Navy continues to guard.   Imagine working in shippping insurance.   It is a total nightmare.)

England still has Starmer as leader which is probably better than what we might get if he goes.  Be careful what you wish for and better the devil you know. 

After the Axel Rudakubana enquiry we will next have the Valdo Calocane enquiry which has not yet finished (he murdered three random innocent people in Nottingham and is in prison now and so dangerous the prison hardly knows how to deal with him) which follows all the other enquiries where we have murderers in our midst who nobody can touch because they were black and somebody might have been accused of racism if they said there was a problem and they needed special measures to protect people. Like in the Manchester Arena where the bomber didn't have his backpack searched when he came into the foyer late on because the security guard was scared if he did he was going to be accused of racism  because the man was black.  The enquiry found that too.  But enquiries are enquiries and nothing ever changes because I guess nobody ever reads them who has a loud voice.  Only quiet people read them who think they had better continue to shut up and not shout from the roof tops that Britain has to change and stop weaponising language. 

Will there follow a Primrose Hill enquiry one day into what happened when Finbar Sullivan was murdered?  Will there be another similar problem with a knife man?  Will there be more and more weaponising of language which renders all common sense mute and out of bounds?  Yes, I fear there will be because we are there already. 

Will there be a problem here because I have written this. (Hypothetical question. No answer required.)

Be Prepared

My travel to Azerbaijan is gradually coming closer.  I sorted out the euros this week when I had to go to a post office to post a large letter and I asked the lady whilst I was there if they do euros.  "Of course, how many do you want?" came her friendly reply.  We established that the euros she had were pretty much like new and I did a small transaction with her all paid for without hassle as a cash transaction, no need then for identity.  Although euros are not the currency of Azerbaijan we have been recommended to take some as they like euros especially if they are like new and not used.  I am reminded of the time I took that sports massage in Skopje and was asked if I had euros on me and I paid with a 20 euro note.    You never know what I might get up to in Azerbaijan.  

I then continued on for I was now more in the mood for the holiday.  I bought a  foldup daysack which folds to nothing and can be easily packed in my rucksack  for use when I get there on days out for Fanta bottle and phone or whatever.  There will be no handbags or anything out of the ordinary for me and my daily wear there will be much the same as my daily wear here at home but hopefully no need for a heavy coat.  I will leave coat at home and take a thin jacket or a Levi jacket.  

I bought a new tee shirt and this is about the limit of my purchasing.  The man in the shop thought it was very unusual to travel so light but I just think he hasn't lived and there are many of us who keep packing to the minimum.  I didn't bother to discuss it further with him as it seemed a bit too personal in a strange kind of way, I don't know why but I just didn't take to him to discuss my packing.   He was the second guy in the shop I had spoken to and when I had asked the first guy to view rucksacks that were empty as opposed to rucksacks stuffed with paper for display I got a very strange  reaction that most people want to see them stuffed and how they will look and it gives them some idea of what they will hold.  I went along with it but I also took this quietly as totally ridiculous and got him to fish an empty one down off the high hooks so that I could examine it.  All this was done with reluctance like I was stupid.  I can judge an empty rucksack and whether it will fit my requirements much more easily than examining a stuffed one.  In the end I decided that there was nothing different to the rucksack I already have so didn't purchase.  Every question I asked about them I was given a strange look and then he started talking about shoplifters and he had to be all over the shop.  Perhaps he was just unhappy.  He said that he thought I needed a suitcase. I didn't feel like explaining to him that I don't like suitcases.  I then bought the tee shirt and the daysack.

Folk and life seem to get stranger by the day.  Anyway I went home happy in that I had the euros and I had a tee shirt to wear and I had a tiny foldaway daysack that I wanted.   

I don't take spare shoes or spare anything so don't need much space.

The rucksack I am taking has been standing in the breakfast room for weeks and I do test runs with it around the house for weight on my back and things I might take.  I jog around the house with it to check weight.  No lists, just head telling me that all I really need is the passport and visa in any case.  

My oldest brother came round today and I paid him for the ride-on so we are all square.  He said he could have given me some euros but we decided they would probably be too crumpled up for me.  He didn't ask where I am going so I didn't say.  We are a bit like that in my family.  

Monday

I see that Orban has not held on to Hungary and his old friend Peter Magyar (what a perfect name for a Hungarian) has won with his new party.  Orban has done the right thing and courteously conceded defeat very quickly.  I hope it remains courteous and there are no claims and counterclaims of vote rigging, fixing or interference and no civil unrest to follow as we saw in Ukraine a few years back when the EU side won over the Russian side and Ukraine crept away to no-mans land somewhere in the middle and Nato upset and intimidated  Russia along borders and upset everything and rubble came  and Ukrainians in Britain came to show us how to organise ourselves when hospitality offered.  

I wonder what the new face of Hungary will be and will the people be pleased.  I suspect there will be things that they did not wish for but hopefully they will be outweighed by other things they do wish for.  They will be able to take their share of refugees now and find space within the towns and cities of Hungary for different cultures and foods, different faces in the queues and different people in apartments, homes, streets, hotels, kerb sides, fields, and the fruits of trees will be plucked and the people will be told and believe they are better for it.  The streets will be cleaner and the queues will get shorter and food and money shortages will be subsidised by bigger gifts of gratitude  from the EU. 

Throughout the world the coal-fired power stations warm the people and flood the grid, that includes Germany and Italy, they step in when oil fails.  In the UK we do our best to keep going with Drax and wood pellets from across the oceans.   The wind rages and the turbines keep us going.  Later this year will be a world heatwave and overseas holidaymakers to the US in November or December will head  for bad weather which will follow them to their rooms where they will stay to keep out of the heat.  They will not be cold but they will bake and tell friends "we are in the US and it is such a disappointment because the weather is all over the place and we cannot leave our rooms and all caused by climate change and it is all somebody else's fault in government". 

Meanwhile before that Netanyahu will no longer hold the coalition government in Israel, the Green Party will hold the majority of local councils in Britain and Labour will continue to destroy small and large businesses alike while the welfare booms and the language courses dominate the adult education halls of learning and the translators surge in popularity.   

Shoplifters will be available for you to do your shopping whilst you sit at home streaming and eating pasta and tortillas and enchiladas and scoops of tomato sauce with herbs.  

The world will look at fields of houses and humans and forget what the use of crops ever were or are to human existence.  New agriculture will look to images of horses and oxen and ploughs and will seek wasteland to cultivate and spread with vegan follicles and food supplements of chalk.

Birthday

Today is my birthday and I will be out later this morning to celebrate with a friend.  She has invited me to a carvery lunch at a local hostelry where we will go together.   She is on her own and I am on my own so it is good for both of us in equal measures. 

 

Israel (2)

Was I disappointed at the lack of support for yesterday's post entitled Israel?  Yes.  Was I surprised?  No. 

Did my initial exchange with Kathy put people off commenting?  Possibly.  Were people scared to say anything?  Possibly.  

Did Yael joining  me  in comments cause problems?  Did sympathy go out the window all of a sudden,  cause sudden cases of the vapours and withdrawals to darkened rooms?  

My reaction by the end of the day when I came in from grass cutting was, go on,  carry on lapping up the BBC News.  It makes you chuffed and happy and you can carry on complaining about the price of petrol and how much you hate Trump. Believe what you want about Iran winning the war and the BBC anti-Israel constant and their total ignorance of the Iranian regime and accurate reporting.   

In fact you might spend a little bit of time considering how and what things might be with the Iran regime  dominating the Middle East from Iran right down to the Egyptian Muslim Brotherhood and everything we have now gone forever.  But you won't do that. Your minds are made up for you by the media. 

And feel anything you like about Starmer but I wouldn't waste too much energy, the biggest let down you can possibly have for a leader of Britain.  Wimp and useless. 

Israel

 Israel is defending itself for survival.  It has a great ally in the United States.  October 7 2023 was a sign of what was or is to come.  Iran mean to end Israel.  

Hezbollah is Lebanon based paramilitary group backed by Iran.  It appears that the in spite of calls for peace from the Lebanon government they are paralysed by Hezbollah and effectively frightened and run by them.  Hezbollah want to obliterate Israel. 

Hamas is funded by Iran although one is Shia and one is Sunni but they have a shared goal to get rid of Israel.  Hamas is a militant, aggressive political movement.  Hamas were responsible for the October 7th attack on Israeli people.  This night should be not be forgotten by writers in the press today.  

Houthis are a militant group.  Shia and aggressive and led by Iran.  Based in Yemen from where they come.  They also call for the obliteration of Israel.

Israel is fighting for its existence and it does not sit and wait for the next October 7th to come.

Neither Israel nor the US work from any document you have seen.   

Support Israel and the US. 

Fuel prices will stabilise.  

Together or Outside

A lot of people need group hug-ins to keep going. Hypothetical ones as well as actual.   I have always been on the outside of this type of assumed, imagined love-in of agreement, group behaviour.   I survive without.  They group round an imaginary candle flame nodding to each other.  I wonder why some  of us survive without that and others need it so desperately.  I don't understand them looking in as the outsider that I am.   How different some of us are.  I like independence from that kind of thing.  I don't really fit. 

MOTs cars, bodies, skipping and football stadiums

 Yesterday my masseuse contacted me in the early morning and asked if I could attend her clinic later and be her model for she is taking on a new lady to help her.  (I take back all I said about her and being unavailable so often because she is doing something about it and realises the problems it is causing for her business).  The lady is another Thai person and is trained in traditional Thai massage which does not involve oils.  As you know, I go for Thai massage and do not have oils myself.  However, to run the clinic successfully and meet demand my masseuse also offers Thai oil massage which is popular.  The new Thai lady was not confident with oils and wanted to have some help.  So I agreed to go along.   She was a very good masseuse and strong in hands but she was hesitant with the use of oils.  I would be happy to have her for Thai deep tissue massage.  I am going again on Monday so that she can have a further training in oil session.  This is a bit of a bonus for me in that I am obviously not paying anything for this and I get to have a relaxation session with the two Thai ladies.   They speak in Thai so I haven't a clue what is going on except occasionally I am asked for feed back.   It is nice to be asked and trusted in this capacity. 

Today my car is being MOT'd so that takes care of the day.  I was unable to get it booked in locally so am travelling 20 miles later this morning.   I will wait with the car whilst it is tested. 

It looks like a perfect day with sunshine and blue sky. 

I am setting myself a new goal in exercising - I am aiming to learn to skip with a skipping rope again.  Much harder than it sounds for a woman of my age.  I don't know why this idea came into my head but I was watching Arsenal play Sporting at the time and was doing exercises on the floor whilst watching.  Arsenal scored in the last minute having dominated the match all the way through and should have been 2 up before half time. The young Dowman (16)  came on in the 70th minute.   Sporting is Sporting Lisbon in case you are interested.  I was thinking that although I have been to Lisbon several times it is the one city I have visited and never sought out the football stadium and I could not for the life of me place where it is.  Others like Barcelona and Prague and Kyiv and St. Petersburg and even Skopje I have not only photographed but visited and walked to in and around and in Madrid even went to a match when there at the Bernabéu.   In St Petersburg I photographed the Zenit stadium from a bus but Irina refused to go to a match as she said it was "too dangerous" and the fans were like "animals"  and in Marrakesh Allal refused to let me go to Casablanca v Marrakesh because, likewise, he also said it was too dangerous in the crowd.  Pfft, chickens.  Back to the skipping rope, I gather I have to take it slowly and it could be many months before I am skipping. 

PS In doing a round up of news commentary this morning on X it beggars belief that people really think that world leaders say on a public platform what they are going to do in conflict of war.  Have people got so wound up in derangement that they have lost sight of common sense? Remember propaganda. Churchill and a big cigar, a romper suit, onesie,  naked and dictating letters to his secretary whilst in the  bath drinking brandy and champagne, WW2.  Just do some exercises and watch a football match tonight and turn off the computer.

Brain Fog and Surreal

 Have you noticed the expression 'brain fog' is appearing more and more?  It appears frequently in medical descriptions on-line and it has appeared in blog posts where some bloggers have used it.  It is not an expression I am familiar with although it is becoming more familiar.   I know what the brain in and I know what fog is but I do not see the two going together in any intelligent way.  Yesterday when coming across the expression once more I decided to Google it.  The answer is that it is an expression that covers things like when you go into a room to get something and you can't remember what it is you went for.  Yep, right.  It is when you think you are a bit slow mentally.  Yep right.   Lack of focus, difficulty thinking and could be a symptom of stress and lack of sleep.  It can affect young or old.  Its use seems to have come in more since Covid and is a symptom of long Covid. 

I think the expression is here to stay but it is not one I will be using.  Yes, I do forget what I went into a room for occasionally, or I forget what I walked across the supermarket to fetch and when I get there I can't remember what it was I wanted.  But brain fog?  No.  Don't like it.  I call it just a sign of ageing and forgetfulness. 

Another word that is getting used a lot these days is surreal.  Everything that is vaguely out of the ordinary is described as surreal.  This word is being misused in my opinion.    I was thinking back to my mother, an educated woman of sharp wit and intelligence and I don't recall her ever using the word.  She narrated her life to me containing fun things and experiences and observations but do I ever remember her using the word surreal?  No, never.  I think of surreal as a kind of out of body experience, not just something vaguely out of the ordinary or different.  A local girl was recently on Masterchef and she  described it in a newspaper interview as surreal.  That was what really got me thinking about it.  I suppose it was exciting and different from her day to day chefs kitchen work, but surreal?  

Language evolves all the time along with everything else like politics in Great Britain with net zero and oil from the North Sea being drilled by us and sold abroad and then we buy some more to replace it from abroad.   Surreal. Or just plain mad.

Hedging

I've got a small length of privet hedge here and ever since my brother stopped hedge cutting a few years ago it has been a pain to get it cut. It grows fast and needs several trims per summer.   There is a professional tree surgeon who lives in my road, a friendly chap, but busy with big jobs although he advertises that he will do small hedges and gardens.  I have engaged him to do it in previous years, paid the going rate, and been happy with that.  However, he never shows up unless I keep ringing him and leaving him messages to pester him to come.  It gets tiresome.  I spoke to his wife one day and explained I was giving another "gentle reminder" that my hedge needed trimming.  She said she quite understood and would tell him, adding that he never writes things down and is very forgetful.  Now that came as a shock because, having been involved in business all my life, how can you run a business if you never write things down?  My neighbour John came over this week and said he had ordered firewood but the delivery had not arrived. Funny that, John.   I had seen John walking up and down the road several times and it turned out he  was looking for the same man to "remind him" about his firewood.  John stays in when the  wood is to be delivered in order to assist with stacking it.  So I said to John I have given up with this man and knowing that he is unreliable I order my wood from a merchant up the road who delivers on the day he says, at the time he says, and puts it in my shed for me, for which I generously tip.   I rely on my woodburner for heat and I cannot be worrying about a wood delivery in winter.  John tells me he is now 90 and in fact offered to cut my grass for me when he found my brother had given up.  Now how's that for neighbourlyness!  At the time, a few weeks ago, I actually thought John was 86, as if that makes much difference but I thought I cannot have an 86 year old doing my grass for me, I would be ashamed to be  sitting indoors while he did the work.   Now I find he is in fact 90.   He told me that when his daughter reached 60 a few weeks ago he felt he must be getting old.  

So yesterday I decided that another step onward with me looking after my own back yard - garden - from now on, I ordered a hedge trimmer.  Like the lawn trimmer - strimmer - it is battery powered.  It is not a Karcher this time but a Flymo.  It had good reviews, is quite light, and will do an hours hedging on one battery charge.  That will be more than enough.  It should arrive tomorrow.   I am sorry that I am not buying these things from local suppliers but ordering through Amazon but I regret to say that these local people are not helpful enough in sales to get my custom.  It is a sad state of affairs but the staff just are not there to be  seen and the gardening equipment is just left to sell itself I suppose.  You can look around for someone to reach something off a shelf, make a recommendation, ask if you need assistance, and they just are not there.  So a quick browse on the internet and then on to Amazon and it is all done.  Videos, reviews and good offers and delivered to my door. 

I went outside yesterday in the cold, we had hail showers through the day, and did a bit of hedge trimming with some loppers to get the higher bits and will do a bit more today.  I will just have to see how I get on with it all when the new hedge trimmer arrives but I think I may still be lopping a few high bits with the loppers. 

Of course I still have the front beech hedge which I will need help with but that only requires one cut per year in August.  I will have to cross that bridge when it comes. 

And Now The Ads

 I used to enjoy the cinema advertisements, the ones you see before the film and before the trailers.  They are now but a shadow of what they used to be having changed significantly even in the six or seven years that I have been back going to the cinema.  They are now dominated by public service adverts for the British Army and the Royal Navy, the National Lottery and things like getting jobs in child care, breast cancer awareness which much as it is an important message it goes on way too long, the King's Trust (Trust always spoken with a northern accent vowel) and being told that 900,000 young people are out of work, the equivalent of the third largest city in Britain.  (This always begs the question for me as to why do we have vacancies and why are we told that it is vital that immigrants keep coming to fill the vacancies when so many of us are out of work?)  That is a rhetorical question so don't bother to answer it.  The other advert is for funerals and at that point I cover my eyes with my hat as the ad shows the lifespan from birth to death of an elderly woman going through all smiley things in life and skipping through the decades until  one day flowers and death. Does this really make people sign up for funeral plans?

 I used to like the Virgin flights adverts.  They don't come up anymore.  I suppose so many people are streaming at home that the advertisers are deserting the cinemas.   (It is a sad time for cinemas and with Warner Bros taken over by Paramount having pipped Netflix at the post.  Either one of them winning is not good for the cinema industry.) 

 Back to the ads.  Apart from those there are a few EV car ads which with cars at £35,000 to £50,000 plus and all looking the same (SUVs)  do not hold any interest for me and not at all like the old days of ads for Minis and Cortinas and the odd Jaguar and Lotus which I think we all took a bit of interest in and wondered which one might be the latest Bond car and did the Lotus have a Norfolk registration of interest to us yokels. 

There remains one advert that comes up every time I go and that is an annoying holiday ad for TUI holidays where a very slim girl with a big smile dives into a perfect swimming pool with no screaming kids and no sunbeds filled with towels/and or bodies and nothing the slightest bit imperfect or vile having earlier got on to a plane loaded with smiling people not all scrambling to place their wheely suitcases in the overhead locker and not all hot and sweaty and squashed in but all sitting peacefully and smiling at the camera in perfect clothes of course. 

I was just reading that a lady, described as elderly, aged 71, (elderly?)  went missing in South Africa on a TUI holiday so all was not so hunky dory with the lovely swimming pool and the lovely blue sky.  (TUI used to be Thomson Holidays in case you are interested and they got swallowed up by a German company who were engineers or manufacturers I think and reinvented themselves as a holiday company). She has never been found, no remains, nothing, and it is thought she was murdered for her body parts which sell well on some South African bush markets for witch craft.  She walked alone when I would probably have already gone to bed if on holiday even if it was broad daylight and not too sure of the area, but that is by the by.  She disappeared.  The holiday tour went on without her and that was the end of the poor 'elderly'  British woman.  TUI still run the holiday but have declined to tell guests about the incident because they do not want to scare them.  I always have that funny feeling about TUI when I see that advert described above of the girl diving into the swimming pool.  I now feel like 'told you so'.   Nothing is ever as hunky dory as that on holidays.

The King and I

 Am I pleased that King Charles is going to the US to see Trump?  Yes.  Now is the time we need a bit of normality and if anybody can bring it then Charles can.  He may be a bit of a silly ol' chump sometimes but visits like this are just up Charles's street.  A bit of diplomacy and normalcy.  I am sure Queen Camilla will be in her element too. This is a time when politicians can step aside and leave it to the King.  We are allies of the US and will remain so, we do not want politicians squabbling and back-chatting and acting all hurt.    Attacks on foreign policy and the navy here hurt as the truth usually does.  We should take it on the chin and deal with it.    Roosevelt and later Truman did not always say good things about Britain but Churchill got over it mainly by ignoring it.   Go forth and repair our relations Charles.   King Charles we need you.    Friends forever, US and Britain.  

Spirituality

 I've written about spirituality before and I thought I would write about it again.  It means different things to different people and I imagine to some people it means nothing whatsover.  As Kathy said last time I wrote about it, it is for her a feeling we are all beings with an inter-connection.    For me it is simply man cannot live by bread alone.  This probably comes from 12 years of convent life in a Catholic school.  Some of it rubs off and buries itself within you.   I left it behind me for decades and have only picked it up again during the years that I have been alone.  It is also probably a crutch for me but if it helps me then it is a good crutch.   

The spirit for me is that the body lives with both physical and non-physical feelings.  That is how I feel at this moment.  I am human and I can change and the older I get the more changes I see in myself;  the more I alter my  views on maybe how I have behaved in the past, how I have reacted to events that took place, how I might react now.   It can be frightening like going into an unknown of a person I haven't seen in myself before.  I can only speak for me personally, one can never switch to knowing what others think.  Yesterday I spent a long time going over and over events of long ago and how if they happened now I would react differently.  Changes that I never thought would happen to the way I think have happened.   

Spirtuality is as it is for me,  and I speak only for me.  It may not exist for you.    How it is and for those who do not feel that, then that is fine.  There is no right or wrong about it, no success or failure implied.  No have to or have not to.  No judgment. I have not passed judgment.    No difference in your life implied or intended.  No better or worse.   It is just a personal way of dealing with the everyday for me at this time.

Good Friday

 

My usual images for Good Friday.

A Poem and a bit about poetry

 

Gerard Manley Hopkins is my beloved poet.  I won't say favourite because it is going too far to narrow ones likes to one.  I have many favourite poets.  Hopkins collected words as he went about his day.  He kept a notebook.  I do the same and I call my notebooks Words  after Hopkins  and I number them.  I am now up to book 3 since I finished my Masters.  That is six months.  They are school exercise books.  I also write lots of things in my Word books, not just lists of words.   

Alliteration is the repetition of the same consonant sound in a line or lines. I used alliteration and assonance  in my poetry in my dissertation.  Hopkins was the master of words.   Here is an example of Hopkins alliteration from Pied Beauty where he is praising God for nature

With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle; dim;

and in God's Grandeur: 

and all is smeared with trade; bleared, smeared with toil;

and wears man's smudge and shares man's smell: the soil 

Assonance is the repetition of the vowel sound as in soil, toil, smeared, bleared. 

You will find alliteration and assonance in all of Hopkins poems. 

Hopkins was the master of this and I greatly love his work and he was always with me when I was studying for my Masters.  This morning he is with me again.

Here is a poem from my dissertation.  It is unlikely to ever be read or published by anyone.  I wrote it after Hopkins poem Hurrahing in the Harvest.  

Hurrahing in a Time Machine with Gerard Manley Hopkins  

the sun shone well before
breakfast from dawn until midday
i made the most of it in meadows
and picked buttercups, soldiers buttons and
squeezed the milk of 
dandelions on to my hands
and spread it slowly across
my palms and watched it
ooze overboard
i heard a sound behind me and
i saw gerard manley hopkins.
i waited until i
fell in step with him.
i asked what he saw when first he walked here.
he stared ahead of him:
he saw not Drax
nor druids, dams nor drones, he said.
and at roads he rushed to run across.
what is that sound that spoke of wheel?
he beckoned me to save him
as if his soul across the skies
could mix with mine
and knot, not i i thought.
i cursed the car
and grabbed his hand his saviour
and looking west to where
the sun would set blank went
he stopped in front of stooks and me.
O God he called and
Holy Spirit come, a pause, ah,
pleaded pity now the people
O God the politicians
the patience long departed
pledged in piety lost in lies
despair disparity dwindled
the poor perhaps St Peter
comes for past purpose pitched
i listened, lizards passed 
i laughed, he looked long divided
laggards to his left he lurched
in vertigo less noble knight.
i rubbed the dandelion milk on to my face
and kicked the kissing gate and
the loose libertine
last night lost leeward. i
heard him plead O God
again and groping greenery
he waited and took the rosary rued
regret and in a rash run
he dropped his pocket book, paused and
peed upon the poppies, peewits
perfect peace on earth obey.
he'd left the lure of lloyds,
the lancet to bridges
seven siblings longing lonely
he took the lord the longitude
ignatius loyola
and disappeared to liverpool

That is my poem for today.  Today is Maundy Thursday in Holy Week.  the day of The Last Supper.

Gerard Manley Hopkins was the oldest of 8 children and he was to join his father's business in insurance, particularly of sea vessels and trade. (He would have been greatly troubled and stretched in his work in shipping insurance at this time now during the turmoil in the Straits of Hormuz and spare a thought for those in ship broking and insurance right now).  However, Hopkins broke his family's heart when he converted to Catholicism and became a Jesuit priest.  They severed links with him.   His friend was Robert Bridges who became a doctor, and later the poet laureate. Bridges helped Hopkins with his poems, edited and eventually published them after Hopkins died.    This is a little explanation of the last six lines of the poem. Hopkins was profoundly influenced by Ignatius of Loyola and finding God in all things. 

Daily Life

Yesterday didn't turn out so well because my massage was cancelled due to back problems of the masseuse.  She is having a constant battle with health and this is not good for running a business where she is the lone worker.  I was just getting ready to go for the train when I noticed she had whats app'd me an hour before telling me about the cancellation.   I understood, you can't give a massage if you are not 100% physically fit, but I was disappointed.   I have messaged her this morning and she is still closed to customers.  I am looking for another place to go.  There is one but I am cold and not in the right mood for changing providers but when I perk up in the sunshine which I hope comes soon I will investigate a new place to go.  I will stay with my Thai lady until my money on account with her is used up, my payments being in advance for better deal.  In spite of everything it is a commercial arrangement and I am looking at it this way.  She has become a friend over the three years I have been going but I am getting fed up with the constant interruptions to service causing the cancellations and re-arrangements.   

I have written two poems whilst here this morning.  A bit of angst always brings out a poem.  The cold weather is causing me to be a bit down at the moment.  I want to be cheerful but it is hard.  

 I have done my exercises.  In this order:

Walking heel to toe small steps across the room for balance.  Repeat many times during the day. 

Heel lifts to exercise calf muscles to aid the second "heart" hiding in the calves.  Slow and controlled exercise.  It is not a race to get through it. 

Toe lifts to aid ankle mobility. 

More balance exercises holding/steadying myself with chair back to hand if I need it. 

Wall squats.  Hold for 30 seconds.  Repeat as many times as I am able. 

Sit to stand.  Sit on chair, stand slowly, sit back down slowly.   I managed this 20 times. 

I will do more exercises later. 

If I am in an airport and I need to stand for a while then my legs must be in good shape.   I am working on this now for six months, just entering the seventh month.   I am improving.   This exercise plan was started when I booked my holiday.   I still cannot sit on my heels and have been doing that particular exercise for three months.  It can take much longer.  However, I can sit cross-legged on the floor like I did as a child and that is very satisfying.  And, of course, I can get up off the floor.  

The holiday is still on although I know there are some FCDO no-go areas in Azerbaijan.  I assume the itinerary will be adjusted accordingly if necessary.  I am not bothering the company to find out as I am sure they will tell me anything I need to know.  Quite frankly after reading my insurance small print it is not going to help me so I might as well just go.   It is only if the  travel company cancel altogether that I would get my money back, as I have said before.  Travel insurance is just like all insurance, the detail is in the small print.   I don't seem to have done very well with my travel insurance "peace of mind and feel good factor" as I feel anything but good.  I get lots of questionnaires from them regarding how do I feel about their service and I am telling them I am not particularly happy but everything from them is addressed to me as a highly valued customer when I feel anything but highly valued.  When I was trying to be honest with them about medical things I got shouted at by an extremely aggressive young lady who called me back about the conversation I had had with the Indian call centre when I had been trying to explain to an Indian boy a conversation I had had with my GP about statins.  It would make a good comedy sketch.  That cost me £100 whacked on to my premium.   

Well that's enough of that.   

I got my petrol on Monday at my normally quiet garage which was swamped with customers and queues.   I take it the normally busy supermarket garage up the road must have run dry.