Payments and Love

Another day closer to Britain getting back to its normal.  It does feel like a Sunday which is something at least.  I don't know whether it will be like a Sunday for my brother though, probably not so I will find myself here all day.  It is a grey day but not so cold as it has been so heating in the house has returned to normal and no heat in the bedroom.  I used an electric oil filled radiator for two nights when the temperature dropped below freezing. It was Christmas after all.

I heard from the "date" man on Christmas Day when he wanted a chat on the phone.  I carried on with texting him during the day but no chat.  I didn't feel in the mood for it.  I needed to think a bit about him contacting me before doing anything.  Yesterday he got in touch again and we talked a real conversation talk on the phone, as opposed to texting.  I had already decided in the summer that I would forget about the day he walked off and if I ever saw him again I would act as if nothing had happened.  Much better than having a row and, after all, he did give me a good six months of seeing him and plenty of poetry material which I needed at the time.  One of the poems in my dissertation was about the fateful day when he walked off.   

Anyway it was good to talk yesterday and we just carried on where we left off and I put his behaviour in the summer down to a kind of mid-life crisis that he is and was going through.  He said yesterday that he doesn't know who he is anymore which is sort of quite sad and I think it is an indicator of the crisis he is going through which we probably all come up against at some time in our lives.  In that he is 20 years younger than me it is not surprising that he has not faced this before.  He said it was his first Christmas completely alone and he had "got through it".  Being one who has had 7 Christmases alone I was inclined to say something a bit cynical but refrained and talked to him about how I cope by actually not thinking it is Christmas as far as I am concerned and just leaving it to those who have families.   

We agreed that we would meet up soon and that sounded fine to me and he is considering returning to some of the classes we used to go to (I still go but he dropped out) and I told him that is good because he is missed by everybody.  I hope he carries that through as he is fun to be with when he is around.   I am starting to wonder what 2026 has in store for me. 

Talking of dissertation, I found my Masters certificate in the garage yesterday.  Clearly the postman had been and as the envelope was marked "do not bend" he had been unable to put it through the door so kindly laid it flat in my garage.  I now have the proof of the two years I spent studying.  I am currently a bit in denial about it all and clearing out a lot of the stuff (books) I accumulated during those two years by giving them away and wanting nothing to do with them.  Strange kind of reaction but some of the books I can't even bear to touch.  I have been earnestly saving up too and having completely no-spend-months, other than essentials, in order to fill the gap in my savings caused by my university fees and to accumulate something towards paying for my holiday next year.  It is coming along but I have just paid my tax bill and there is always something to pay out.