More with Grandma

 The grandchildren are up before me and I find the older two are getting the woodburner cleaned and the ashes taken out.  I quickly explain to them that the ashes may be hot and they are to be careful and once outside not to put the ashes in the plastic bin because it will melt holes in it.  I speak from experience. The children tell me that they know all about this (yawn) because daddy taught them.  They said mummy is always in bed and doesn't get up very early so daddy teaches them things. 

 Anyway, the woodburner is looking better than it has for months and now they are laying it ready for later.  They know how to do this.  The two middle ones have gone out to fill the woodbasket and bring in kindling.  I told them at their age I was chopping kindling and I would give them a lesson.  I took the chopper that I still have from those days and we set to very carefully selecting the wood from off-cuts I have  been given by the furniture maker and I give them the first lesson which is to find the direction of the grain of the wood.   There was some shouting and eureka moments when this was established and they could both do it.  I explained you are then going to split the wood down that grain.  They see that chopping kindling is actually splitting the wood not cutting.   Once the grain direction has been established we take the chopper and enter with a firm first chop and then lift the whole thing off the tree stump (used as the support table) and then strike up and down on the stump until the first strip is cut.  And then carry on until the piece of wood is split into kindling.   

I leave them doing this and go in and find the older boy is looking at the squid and octopus with the fridge door wide open.  I suggest he closes the door to keep the cold in.  The youngest is playing with the cats.  Thomas is finding it tiresome and his noises suggest to me he is not really enjoying it.  White Bib is looking on.   Both cats have one eye on the squid.  I suggest that I will cook it for tea.   

Later all four are indoors and I explain that mum is not coming back for a few days so they are lumbered with me.  There is a stunned silence which I am not sure whether it is good or bad so I continue quickly that we will continue as we have been and keep busy.  Then starts a lot of questions about what is mum doing and when will she back and I explain that she has been delayed by an advisory role (a euphemism  if ever I heard one and I struggle to keep a serious face on) she is playing in Dubai to a financial consultant but she is likely to meet lots of famous footballers and will no doubt bring back presents for them all. This cheers them and lots of whoops and squeals and I feel I have diverted them enough to get us through the weekend at least.   Now daughter all you need to do is get back here quick.  I decide to message her when the children are occupied. 

Next we plan the squid ink meal which the two older boys have said they will prepare and go off to find You Tube advice and my planning help is not needed except they may need more ingredients I am told.  I hope not as I don't want to go out.  I said we will have to make do with what granny has in the kitchen.  I pointed them in the direction of Mrs Beeton and last I saw they were going through the fish pages looking for squid which probably wasn't there.  You Tube is their preferred choice and they say they want to use their phone to make a Tik Tok film while they are cooking.  I am not sure if this is allowed by mum because the phone is only for contacting her but I am told by Finn that they do Tik Tok all the time.   I nonchalantly ask Finn if he has contacted his mother or heard from her and he replies that she has probably "gone off with a man again" and is "busy" and told me in a very grown up way that I was not to worry and the story about the Dubai finance stuff was probably all lies.  I raised my eyebrows and asked what he meant.  He said "oh mum is always disappearing while dad is away.  She thinks nobody knows".  He added "don't worry grandma, she'll be back".   

The two younger ones want to run around the house so I let them do this on the condition that they leave Thomas alone and when they are exhausted they must pretend to be cats and sleep like he does.  They decide this is ok and disappear upstairs and I hear them opening the wardrobe.  I can't be bothered to interfere and so leave them to it.  Anything for peace.  

All seems quiet and I have satisfactorily achieved a quiet morning for grandma.  

Next I text daughter to find out what exactly is going on.

I see Thelma is at the door.  It is time for another glass of sherry.   Daughter can wait.